Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iAlissa 34
Maybe the woman respects herself enough not to sleep with a stranger
jensen21 19
When you use "finally gave in" it seems like you were definitely harassing her.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (354)
Fennemaru 1
ydi and more. don't be a douchebag.
katt_is_here 24
All of the YDI votes and comments slightly renews my faith in humanity. OP, NO MEANS NO.
Pensu 12
Glad to see you learned something from the experience. That girl is awesome.
inuar 7
what I wanna know if what your mum said. btw you totally deserved that.
Axel5238 29
Dunno how the OP expected sympathy with this one? I'm guessing he mistook this with textsfromlastnight. I'm also gonna say given this the OP more than likely complains about being " friend zoned" just because a female friend won't sleep with him. Usually, both mindsets tend to go together.
QueenOrangeSoda 21
I don't think people post on FML to get sympathy. My hunch is that they tend to just want to share their stories.
Aweh_Olivia 13
You need to learn some respect. Women aren't meant to be played with.
AppleBonkers 13
Well maybe you should've laid off, man. Some girls just really don't want you to bug them for the sole purpose of getting in their pants! Some girls go out to actually have fun, not have dudes hit on them for hours until they give in. I think you're looking for the cheap ***** this girl is obviously not up for your shenanigans.
AppleBonkers 13
Persistence is not as attractive as movies make it seem. Twenty no's don't equal a yes.
Zebediabolical 45
... but 20 no's and a yes do!
GamerG0DDESS 29
I knew a down vote would be neccesary after "I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I can get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in..." What is wrong with you? Did you really think there would be sympathy for such a ****** douche such as yourself, OP? Guys like you, so full of themselves that they think they can get laid whenever/wherever/ with whoever, are insoluble. It is sad that you don't see how grotesque this "FML" is. It's a FHL for dealing with such a insolence.
GamerG0DDESS 29
Forgive me, *could *an
Elizabeth_Scholt 18
You totally deserved it.