Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML
Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML
Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
iAlissa 34
Maybe the woman respects herself enough not to sleep with a stranger
jensen21 19
When you use "finally gave in" it seems like you were definitely harassing her.
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Comments (354)
ViviMage 40
I'm overweight, and statically have lower self esteem for it. I get hit on a lot, and totally refuse. One, I'm now engaged, and two, even alone I worked out they are silver tonguing me for a quick lay, not an honest relationship. I don't want sex before I know someone! And if I work out all the other party wants is sex, I don't want to get to know them!
bellidona 15
Sounds like u just wanted to tell people u get hit on "all the time " and ur engaged ....be honest u don't give a shit about this Fml lol
Kukua 5
Yeah there was no way she was giving him her real number if he had kept the phone and put it in himself.
splitintwo 6
No means no dude. **** off once someone says NO. While I feel it's a tad much to call your mother perhaps you'll remember next time that pissing someone off by being that creeper in the room is bad.
Axel5238 29
I'm guessing the OP meant to post this on texts from last night? I can't see this getting sympathy anywhere else. Agreed, whoever said it's guys like this that cry about the "friend zone". That doesn't exist that really implies if they aren't sleeping with you that there is something wrong with being friends and it's a terrible way to view someone. I hope you grow up.
kalbrek009 20
YDI! playa got schooled by a girl who's no fool & didn't want your tiny tool....now who feels like a fool? You do. (Just made this up)
GroverUnderwood 3
Way to go, Barney Stinson.
Meme1988 18
That girl is my HERO
heliophobia 13
What did you expect, OP? From the sound of it, she wasn't open to your advances. I would venture to guess if you're going to try and meet women purely to have sex with them, you're going to be met with mostly negative responses. I hope your mom gave you shit for it too.
simoncat 11
Yep. TOTALLY. Deserved that.
mcayla 3
Wow u sound like a douchebag