Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML
Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, I set up a nice picnic style dinner in our living room for my wife. No special occasion, just because, but when she got home and saw it, all I got was a “great, and I suppose you’ll want sex for this?” then she made herself a sandwich and went to bed, no explanation. Why do I bother? FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML
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Top comments
kathryn13 17
Hate to break it to you but that’s what a relationship is. She shouldn’t have to put out every single time you get excited.
hugtrees13 16
If you’ve been together for two years why is this a FMl? You’re supposed to enjoy spending time with your partner...
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Comments (15)
Charlie Coffman_1920149595 18
Sounds like she's got you pussy whipped without having to put out
E2dav 5
'pussy whipped'? No, they've been togetyer 2 yrs without sex...either they're really young or really religious
E2dav 5
'pussy whipped' is a bit much man. 2 yrs without sex? Either they're really young or really religious.
kathryn13 17
Hate to break it to you but that’s what a relationship is. She shouldn’t have to put out every single time you get excited.
tounces7 28
If it's been 2 years and there hasn't even been a FIRST time, that's hardly even considered a relationship. That's a friendship.
Emma Koski 17
Have you considered asexuals or people who want to wait until marriage?
kathryn13 17
Um. I’m in a relationship and we haven’t had sex yet. It’s been almost four years and we are both fine with it. Nice try though.
deathdefiance99 2
that’s not what a relationship is at all.
hugtrees13 16
If you’ve been together for two years why is this a FMl? You’re supposed to enjoy spending time with your partner...
Kennethtaylor377 12
Honestly don’t take this for granted because she could be gone from your life at any given moment. Enjoy and cherish every second you have with her like it’s your last
Yolanda Patrice Evans 17
Where’s the FML?🙃
WistayShlaio82 13
When she’s ready she will let you know. Maybe wait until she’s adult.
RichardPencil 32
If you make the Mac and Cheese right, you'll get laid;)
fjvitt 14
Could probably stir that Mac and cheese with your rigid “spoon”...if only she wanted to fork...
Silverion Sairee 14
A mac & cheese date sounds great. Hanging out with girlfriend, spending time together, is the best thing, you don't need sex to have fun. You should be great friends with your lover before becoming lovers, and also communication is key. Have you talked with her how you want to take the next step in your relationship and start having sex, is she even ready for that kind of thing? Express your desires in wanting to make love to her, and also having sex is not the same as making love together. Remember it's not all about you.
magnumpeyote66 6
"finally " makes it sound like you have never had sex with her. If that's the case move on to someone else