Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his suggestions to prove that he was wrong. It's a week later and I feel better than I have in years. He's never going to let this go. FML
Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
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Top comments
brokenangelexy 13
Don't be silly wrap your willy!
tencentsakiss 19
I want to know if this is just your cute way of writing, or if she's really too dumb to realize that she's pregnant.
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Comments (146)
vi3tno_romeo 5
Congrats...although the cure will only last 9months.
mommy2cassidy 18
Usually lasts a little longer than 9 months but you do get "baby bleeding" for 6ish weeks after. After I had my daughter and the baby bleeding stopped, I didn't get mine again for about a year. Breastfeeding FTW.
Dsa_x3 4
no glove no love
lykaios1989 0
Not sure if your gf is a bit special or that's her way of telling you she's pregnant but good luck!
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
Because condoms are 100% effective, right?
waterboy14 7
I think it's 99%
rcloca 10
99.9% to be exact :)
rlfender 3
Well they work not all the time but 9 times out of 10 the work better than nothing
spazz666 18
Not to fear 36! I recognized the sarcasm!! Come on guys, REALLY? >.>
DegrassixDigimon 5
SHE IS PREGNANT!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
hateevryone 15
Congrats!
zakkyzebra 11
C-C-C-CONDOM BREAKER!!!!
rayofsunahine25 4
its only a 9,month temporary cure
jwebster 8
YDI! Don't **** if you can't handle the consequences. Try vasectomy next time.
desireev 18
Yeah, get a vasectomy because a child is coming into the world. A vasectomy is not a cure for idiotic men who only care for themselves. And getting a vasectomy the next time this happens will only leave him with 2 children and a father who doesn't give a shit. Getting a vasectomy after your girlfriend got pregnant, and the 'next time', is like wiping your ass before you shit. Think about it!
BunBunBabe 8
Is that REALLY how she said it? Or how you're phrasing it cuz no one is that dumb