Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his suggestions to prove that he was wrong. It's a week later and I feel better than I have in years. He's never going to let this go. FML
Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
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Top comments
brokenangelexy 13
Don't be silly wrap your willy!
tencentsakiss 19
I want to know if this is just your cute way of writing, or if she's really too dumb to realize that she's pregnant.
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Comments (146)
a_lenzmeier 11
More like f the babies life. I get that this site is to make a mockery of and enjoy the misfortunes of others. However, I'm going to call douche on this one. You guys are about to become parents, and you turn it into a joke? This is a whole new level of douchebagarry.
kjz102 5
I love the way you worded this!!!
Rainbowbright99 4
You will now have somone to take care of your frail elderly body. Also, kids are fun. It's good to have a human being that will always love you.
taco_bender 12
Hahahahaha. Crap i got nothing. This is getting thumbed dwn hahahah.
jayman117 5
Congrats! Have fun with parenthood
j_cat187 20
Either that's really good or really bad, it's all perspective. Congratulations, you are now a father, or congratulations your options are now limited.
LadiDi_fml 10
How old are you?
awesomeAlexx0 0
Haha you thought PMS was bad now your messing with an angry pregnant chick. Have fun buddy
pnutbutternjelly 15
Am I the only one who finds it weird that he called periods an illness?
noidea06 7
if you're a girl, you'd understand.
pnutbutternjelly 15
Plus, it is not curing anything if it is only temporary. Not that you can " cure" periods anyway.
SpartanMerc 18
Menopause can...