Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his suggestions to prove that he was wrong. It's a week later and I feel better than I have in years. He's never going to let this go. FML
Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
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Top comments
brokenangelexy 13
Don't be silly wrap your willy!
tencentsakiss 19
I want to know if this is just your cute way of writing, or if she's really too dumb to realize that she's pregnant.
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Comments (146)
MaddySwaggedUp 0
I love how she's pregnant and then your name on here says " Daddy-O "
silvergaze 1
Ohhh I get it.... Abortion hun! Abortions are great!
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Dont you realize that abortions are "legal" murders? Its a horrible thing that nobody should have come up with. I dont think people realize that they are killing innocent babies who didnt get the chance to take their first breath, take their first steps, ride a bike, go to school, graduate, fall in love, and have a family of their very own. I am VERY much against abortions and i dont care if everyone on here thumbs down this comment but ill stand for what i think is right or wrong and abortions are one of the horrible inhumane creations of man. So please, dont even consider abortions, its not the babies fault that its parents cant support a baby and still decided to take the chance.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
The comment i was gunna post on here got posted on some other dudes comment -_-
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Do you not understand that abortions are "legal" murders? I dont know how people can live with themselves knowing that they ruined that baby's opportunity of life, and now that child will never get to experience their first breath, their first steps, their first words, their first day of school, their graduation, falling in love, and maybe even starting a family of their own. I dont care if every person thumb downs this reply but im gunna stand for what i think is right or wrong and i STRONGLY disagree with abortions. Its not the baby's fault the parents cant support it and still took that chance. Bottom line: Abortions are screwed up!
Esiuol_fml 5
YDI for not being careful if you think this is a FML...plus you're an idiot for calling periods an illness.
THE_A_TEEN 28
I think the GIRLFRIEND said the whole period being an "illness" thing, and OP is just saying it. Dumbass...
mommy2cassidy 18
I think of mine as an illness. Mostly because I have a lot of issues that go along with it. I don't say it out loud for all the judgemental jerks to argue with me about though.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Well youre kinda asking for it when you decide to take the chance and have sex with the girl... Just saying ;)
oarisimo 4
Wait...are you just being clever in your way of wording this or is she REALLY too moronic to put two and two together and realize she's pregnant?? God, I hope it's not the latter...there's been way too many fmls involving complete idiots lately.
alexh15 13
Be wise. Condomise.
katiejeankran 5
Lol RUDE. You're gonna be a dad! Be happy.
RoseCrystal 17
How his brain should have worked, "Hmm looks like pregnancy today, better wear a raincoat." You better stick around for that baby.
shaubygal 11
68- I hope not
gracehi 33
Congratulations! The circumstances may not be ideal so it may seem like bad news right now, but once you meet your child you will feel very different and you'll realize that becoming a father is the best thing that could ever happen to you.
cradle6 13
No glove no love