Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his suggestions to prove that he was wrong. It's a week later and I feel better than I have in years. He's never going to let this go. FML
Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
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Top comments
brokenangelexy 13
Don't be silly wrap your willy!
tencentsakiss 19
I want to know if this is just your cute way of writing, or if she's really too dumb to realize that she's pregnant.
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Comments (146)
lagrtom14 0
Wrap it before you tap it.
Strwbry3Shortcke 8
Took me a second to realize what you were saying.... It's your own fault dude, if you aren't ready to be a dad then you need to be more careful.
Bamaf22 6
First off, it's not a monthly illness, it's natural, second you didn't cure her of shit you ruined her life. Epic fail.
coried91 28
Having a child doesn't ruin someone's life. The child did nothing.
BostonBruinsFan 8
Until its born, THEN you can test your theory.
ashra_Raivyn 2
Enjoy the baby!
BellaMarta 19
Only for nine times this year.
FLgators93 3
you got to lick it before you stick it
ralenti 3
i adore the way you said this. kudos and shit.
jaredofmo 22
Train the kid to use protection.
asktherunes 4
It's not an illness you idiot
MainPrism 16
Why would anyone say YLS?! I'm baffled by that, but you should be proud to know they are in fact just as dumb as you!!!