Today, my coworker is two months pregnant. I used condoms with her every time, so I’m not sure how the fuck it happened. I’m the only man she’s been with. I tried to give her money for an abortion but she insists on keeping it. She knows damn well I have a real wife and kids, and I can’t afford to lose them. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, the colleague who I’ve been secretly fucking told me she was pregnant. She’d lied about being on birth control. She’s mad at me because I told her to get rid of it and is giving me the silent treatment. You know who else is gonna be mad? My wife. FML
Today, my wife and I had zero interest in being parents, so she's on the pill and I always wear a condom, but now, with my vasectomy less than a week away, she somehow got pregnant and decides she wants to keep it. FML
Today, my soon-to-be-ex wife aborted our baby out of sheer spite after I caught her cheating with a man. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom, but I'm infertile. Also, I’m writing this from work because my boss wouldn’t let me have even one day to grieve, because I wasn’t the one who was pregnant. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
Today, my 17 year-old is pregnant and I was fit to be furious, until my wife steamrollered over me to get to her, hugging her, and crying and how we’ll all raise it together as a big family. We can’t afford another baby. The daddy better be paying us something, or I’m gone kill him. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML
Today, my side piece told me that she’s pregnant with her husband’s baby. She refuses to break up with me, even though I'm no longer interested. She keeps crying and telling me, “It’s your fault!” I didn’t even know she was married. FML
Today, my pregnant wife has been crying for hours after she found out that I’d slept with the woman who does her ultrasounds. That woman happened to have been my prom date nearly 20 years ago and I had no idea she moved back in town, let alone worked for our doctor. FML
Today, for the last two years of trying for a baby, my wife has been secretly still on the pill and takes a morning after pill every time we had sex. Funny, I thought we both wanted a baby, so I guess she doesn’t. FML
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Top comments
CaptainMaggot 11
It's almost like all your problems could have been prevented by not inserting your genitals in people who are not your wife. Wild concept, I know.
Gemfez 17
All she needed was the used condoms. Get a paternity test just to be sure. Your life is a mess. Tell your wife asap and also don't be hostile towards your coworker/babymother. You'll all have to work together for the best possible outcome for your kids. This is about more than just you now.
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Comments (8)
Gemfez 17
All she needed was the used condoms. Get a paternity test just to be sure. Your life is a mess. Tell your wife asap and also don't be hostile towards your coworker/babymother. You'll all have to work together for the best possible outcome for your kids. This is about more than just you now.
CaptainMaggot 11
It's almost like all your problems could have been prevented by not inserting your genitals in people who are not your wife. Wild concept, I know.
MissCadaverous 11
Couldn't have said it better and more politically correct myself 🤣
The_Real_Cvh 10
You reap what you sow
SAgirl 24
Well clearly you can aford to lose them if you are impregnating other woman. Or do you literally mean you can't aford to lose them because the divorce will be to exspensive or because you future ex wife is the bread winner?
Vexillum 6
Even vasectomies are not 100% infallible, let alone condoms.
rpy13 13
Hahahahaha!!! Bahahahaha!!!
Karmarocks946 9
first off, condoms aren't 100% effective. Second off, karma for cheating is an fml for the person cheated on not the cheater. if you couldn't afford to lose your wife and kid, you shouldn't have created
Taurus_chicKa 15
Yeah, there is absolutely no universe where you don't deserve this. This is what you get for cheating on your wife. It will also hurt your children because, if your wife is smart, she'll file for divorce and sole custody immediately.