Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
5t3ff1k4h 47
Some husband you got there.
ldxavior 3
he's right
Zebrasity 0
FYL, indeed. Hopefully your child doesn't end up like him. ;P
lostfaithinpppl 19
What a great display of character! ... I hope you are seriously considering a divorce. He won't be there for you at any step of the way and it's going to be a long journey. You are better off finding someone who will be there for you and support you.
erika622 0
wow thats horrible what a douche bag!!!
soozjw 2
More like FHL. Can you imagine the crap he's gonna have to go through to make it up to the wife (not that I blame her)?
joan_darc 0
He shouldn't have acted like such a dick in the first place if he didn't want to deal with the aftermath.
ImaginaryFoe 1
He doesn't sound like the type of husband that would make a huge effort to make things up to her even if this was a situation that could be mended.
sunnyray812 42
I seriously hope he doesn't have a wife now.
WtfLoser 13
;O You're from Quebec, I see. lmfao.
frankie_b 0
I'm from Quebec, Canada and I see your also from Quebec, Canada..cool lol. I would like to know which hospital OP went to since I work at one
aback 5
Too bad you didn't find out he's a prick before you dragged a kid into that mess.
Peacemaker9 7
lol your husbands a winner!!!!
DocBastard 40
I read this as "wiener." My version is better.
egga94 0
instead of bros before hoes it should be bros before holes simply because it is all I use women for
Biancaisbizarre 0
I doubt you're getting any kind of 'holes' with that attitude.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Bagel. :D
Biancaisbizarre 0
Lol, stop calling me lame or I'll make you into a smoothie. >:]
illmatic2 16
Swiss cheese.
Biancaisbizarre 0
Or else, I'll make you into an iicaptain smoothie.* Donut.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
You're all so generous. I was thinking Cheerio.
bunnaygirl 0
You're an idiot and a pig.