Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
Norwegian_Wood 4
Wow, what a winner you have there, OP. "Bros before ho's" went out the window when he said "I do." What an idiot, OP. I hope you give him hell for it. I mean, I know he should have fun, but if he knows you're due soon, common sense should tell him not to go get shit-faced at a bar...
biskitbukit 7
LOL, that's pretty awesome, but wrong, I understand.
dan_117 0
YDI for marrying a tool bag. It should be FML, I'm a dumbass and married a tool
GruntyGunner 0
Nice husband, did you buy him off ebay?
skyeyez9 25
Your assbag of a husband should hopefully die of alcohol poisoning! Sooner the better.
Sammara 0
You did an excellent job at choosing your spouse. Kudos.
Miss_gord 0
I would have gone to the bar&&dragged him out as I'm cussing him out:)
lollipopXx 0
what a dick :/
Umbreon_fml 0
Today, I was out having fun at a bar with some buddies when some bitch called me and claimed she was giving birth to my child. I yelled "BROS BEFORE HOES" and hung up on her, and then I got punched in the face for no reason. FML.
clint9443 0
haha! omg thats funny