Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
Lukee 0
Haha oichh I'm sorry to hear that o_O
moofin123456 0
Awe I'm sorry OP, what a dick. He should be there to watch his own child be born. I hope he feels guilty when he's sober.
HahaHokayThen 10
why would he be at a bar when you're alone at home & pregnant? what a turd.
ShorTiE4LyFe 0
This is were you call him back and yell, CHICKS BEFORE DICKS!! :P
UnluckyDom 0
58 I lold
CitrusGirl 0
2 options. If it's a girl, everytime he wants to hold her say "Remember? Bros before hos. Obviously you're too good for us." If it's a boy say "bros before hos. Obviously he deserve someone with a dick." and make him take care of the baby all the time.
KingDingALing 9
Slap him with the baby's umbilical (I think I spelled it wrong) cord. That'll teach him!
TheTigerRoars 0
My solution: Eat the male, make sure no one finds out, run away with cub, find new counterpart, and viola! New life with your cub and with a father she deserves. -Fluffy McTiger
chillaux 0
138. what are you smokin and where can I get some?
TheTigerRoars 0
-pushes stash over- Don't tell anyone. D,: It's catnip... -Fluffy McTiger
pablothepenguin 2
ooorr eat the baby eat the man AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD
TheVariableX 0
He has a point...
1personinthiswor 0
141 - lol, now I know why my cat's such a spazz all the time.
mooremi 0
that's horrible!
ThePwnapple 0
YDI for having a baby. Quit being a commie.
thecrazyasian 3
you can never break the man code under any circumstance
banananut 0
Aw, 58 you stole my joke! :(
CitrusGirl 0
so it's OPs fault that her husbands an asshole and isn't there for her? That makes sense.
PirateGirl12 11
that makes no sense he's the selfish asshole she did nothing wrong
MissErikaHart 0
ydi for tryin to ruin his buzz
NatDancer2010 0
He's a keeper
LoXx_fml 2
ki
jpest17 5
I agree with 7
PirateGirl12 11
but he should have been there for her instead of drinking like a selfish douche bag. it's not her fault she went into labor while he was out with the guys he should have the balls to tell his "bros" his wife is in labor and he needs to be there for her.
Ratracer 6
Bahahaha 326. You're absolutely right. I'm sure he's shown dick tendencies waaaay before she went into labor. She should've known having a baby wouldn't change that. If, by chance, this is the first exhibit of douchery, I do feel bad for the OP but I somehow think this isn't the first...
gmain 0
nobody understands you
Moneylover103 1
Well are you a hoe???
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
cookookachoo 0
OMG I JUST HAD A BABY. i know! I will tell the internetssssss...ssss Crocodile! hmph.
ibitehard 9
You should wait until he says he needs you to come over but you are with your friends then say: "CHICKS BEFORE D*CKS" that'll teach him
marnickg 0
i am marnick from THE netherlands, aka big nose aka freak-show nl i love yer picture!!! (k)wanna meet up? commentt and ask me for my picture! ps ****:p?!
yeahthatsrite 0
hahahahaa what a dick (/
Randen_fml 0
least he will be happy after the divorce.
mimii92_fml 0
haha that's sad but funny too. he must suck alot a dick if he puts his bros before his wife
randomchickkk 0
you don't deserve this OP.
desichiqa 0
well that's not very nice :(
spark_yeldarb 0
your hot, i'm not.FML
Sweej 1
I agree. Dick move.
keilanclarke 0
lmao. he's right though [:
keilanclarke 0
obvious troll wasnt obvious enough for you?
kingghidorah 10
that is actually a man law. however in this situation I think it can be broken.
LMFAOwned 9
Lies! This man law be-ith a commandment! It shant be broken, sire! 37, refrain from using vulgar language on FML as the staff tries very hard to keep a friendly environment. They don't need you adding to their fail. Kthxbai
bh0p 0
though if this was a MLIB..with him posting it I assume it would go something like "Today, I was drinking some naties at the bar with my bros, then my bitch called sayin I need to be there to watch her deliver her baby, I told her 'BROS BEFORE HOES' then hung up and fist bumped the bartender, it was chill. MLIB
andrea99_fml 0
Hahahahahahahahaha hilarious!!! but op that sucks for you.. I wouldve gone prego on his ass!!!
bh0p 0
oh noes my comment was deleted! D: I worked and thought about that funny MLIB comment, oh well anyway very sorry OP fyl he was drunk, but still very messed up fix it or break it up.
cellerbeck 4
and in his defense he was drunk...
tcordell 0
being drunk is an excuse and excuses are like assholes...everyone has'em and they all stink...if she was that close to her due date the moron shouldn't have been at a bar, let alone drunk...and the "bro's before hoes" rule is for 15 year-olds...not grown men who are having children...grow the f*** up
Toiga 0
270 you absolutely right.
XXJASEXX 0
.. what? nooo.....
krushr 3
That's gonna be an ugly divorce!
jakii_ 0
who said anything about a divorce? i doubt this would be on FML if this was truly an issue.
gmain 0
well even if he did say that What would he be like befor and why would you screw him
vaxc 17
why wouldn't it be on FML if it was a serious issue? I mean isn't that the point of FML.
FlendtDK 16
*hands over brakes*
cuteluvrox 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
he's drunk give him a brake
ClaireBear9087 0
its not like being drunk wasnt his choice..
sandwichman1796 0
umm... wat??
venusvsmars 2
you can control yourself to an extent when you're drunk, he's just a dick. it's no excuse. and say he's sooo hammered he can't even comprehend what she's saying, why is he getting THAT drunk when his wife is very pregnant and might need his help, or maybe have a BABY? either way, he's a dick and should be divorced.
bennyboy111 7
venusvsmars ur a dick bros b4 hoes bitch build a bridge & get over it
valley_dragon 0
and it's 'break' btw.
blankettt 0
I doubt a "brake" will do him any good. Maybe a while in reverse. If he's going to reverse, though, he'll eventually need to put it back in drive, so maybe you're right, a brake would be helpful when switching gears. (Sorry, it was wide open, there, I had to take it.)
hahaalolz 0
bennyboy111, build a bridge and JUMP OFF IT!!!
tcordell 0
build a bridge and jump off it...that...is...AWESOME!!! and agreed...the world could use less assholes...
bh0p 0
what would he want a brake for? O_O
duzzi77 1
couldn't of said it better myself
jpest17 5
it's not like being pregnant wasn't her choice
5t3ff1k4h 47
300 - Ironic, because your comment could have been worded better. (See what I did there?)
barretke 0
I agree
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
7 - Horrible spelling. Go back to school. 2nd of all ; Leaving a pregnant woman to give birth is a jerk move. Not like you'd know that. You don't know what loyalty is even if it hit you straight up the ass. Sorry OP. He should have been there for both of you.
awkward_gothlady 32
Give him a break? He's out drunk with his friends when his wife is 9 months pregnant? Surely that wasn't a choice. I'm sure the alcohol just jumped off the table and into his mouth. He had absolutely no choice in the matter.
WillyFuckinWonka 3
The clutch is used for switching gears.
pam241 15
#225 why don't you go jump in the lake you sexist dick
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for driving your husband to drink, for going to a HOSPITAL of all places to have the kid instead of just letting it flop out on the floor, for allowing your water to break on your classmate's feet, and for expecting anything different.
_Vamp_ 9
Ok, Trollz, the flopping out on the floor part made roflmaocopterbagel. That's quite possibly the funniest thing you've ever said.
zp5 4
demented baby!
Person1233 13
GIIIIINGER!
jUjU1997_fml 0
Like
Lifeisntfair13 0
I'm sorry but i don't see your coments funny every FML I See ydi. and you have your FMLS all wrong
pancake_mixx 9
108 you're so confused and lost in life. :D
mella622 0
i agree with 113.
TheTigerRoars 0
1728294, random number just to feel cool. :D Trollz, one day I shall capture you! -Fluffy McTiger
blubunny 0
I don't think she's from west Virginia
glambert1998 0
2 DIFFERENT FMLS GENIUS!!!!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Agree with 26. Well done, Trollz. :D And most of these repliers lose their accumulated internetz.
kram02 2
haha the "flop out" part made me lmao as well as the "water breaking on her classmates feet" which was the FML before this...xP
DJuan 0
I saw that Ginger. gah they creep me out
maloriewatson 3
tht was stupid, and u have no actual heart bout wat the mother mustv been going thru, and how it wud hurt the future of the baby.. and in tht case, I know u wudnt want tht to happen with ur baby now, wud u..?!
_Vamp_ 9
Alright, alright... I have red hair, pale skin, and frikked up eyes... so what? The Ginger jokes were funny, but now they're beginning to get annoying. And I do have a soul... I think... oh god.... *runs to nearest pawn shop and purchases soul" THERE! SEE? haha
ifailplzinsultme 0
325 has no SOUL!
kristineszLIFE 0
Every FML you have to say YDI.Seriously GTFO
Chanayaa 0
douchebag
Ducati4623 0
a "Hoe" is a garden tool. so is anyone who thinks they are right when saying hoe.
TheTigerRoars 0
I loved that... I use a gardening tool to bury the dead bodies! :D (so bored today -.-) -Fluffy McTiger
fidrat04 0
lmfao...sux but funny lol
blacknazi818 0
learn how yo spell HOES you ****** hoe!!
Cinn_fml 23
A 'hoe' is a piece of garden equipment. As for the plural of 'ho', I'm not sure if it has the e in it or not.
PacoIsATaco 0
learn how to spell "you".
Cinn_fml 23
Actually, he got 'you' right. It was 'to' he struggled with. Actually, I see your point, it could really be either...
PacoIsATaco 0
Oh yes, I see it now. :P
12596 0
it's ho some people just don't want to accept that tho
12596 0
it's ho some people just don't want to accept that tho
ChicaTongana 0
Actually it's "to". And if they're using an iPhone like me it doesn't always autocorrect it.
ryan_martin 0
ur a ****** shutup... black Nazi??? grow up
SoDorable 0
you are a dick. go to kill yourself
Chelsee45 5
actually it is spelled "ho". "hoe" is in reference to the garden tool.