Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
Cinn_fml 23
I think you need to have a very thorough talk with your husband. If it is a one off, then maybe it's forgiveable, however, if this isn't an isolated incident (and you'll know if it isn't) then maybe a talk isn't going to cut it, but it's worth a try.
Danger716 0
STOP TAKING EVERY FML SO SERIOUS.
Cinn_fml 23
No.
DocBastard 40
STOP SAYING "SERIOUS" WHEN YOU MEAN "SERIOUSLY" and stop using all caps.
keilanclarke 0
shut up cinn, you're so annoying. if the comment isnt 3 lines or shorter, you're doing it wrong.
illmatic2 16
Kellieclark, you're the annoying one.
5t3ff1k4h 47
67 - Her comment is less than 3 lines. Shut it.
Cinn_fml 23
Keilanclarke, I'm going to use your logic; you're doing it wrong because on a computer screen my comment is barely three lines long. Thank you...next! Edit; Steph, you beat me to it! :P
tamie306 5
don't be so mean to cinn, she's just trying to give advice, to those in need of it.
ArtIsResistance7 1
OOOH! I wants to be teh annoying one! Look I can sp3ll horrible; use incorr3ct grammar...and what's this? A vuvuzela? omgomg *bzzzzzzzzzzzz* zomgzomg.
5t3ff1k4h 47
^ You lose all internet points forever.
ArtIsResistance7 1
**** yes! Mission accomplished. I didn't want your damn points anyway. I just wanted a damn grilled cheese. Oh shit. More than three lines. Amidoinitwrong?
5t3ff1k4h 47
You're doing it wrong. Also, I want a grilled cheese now. Thanks. Oh, and you seem hyper. Lay off the coffee!
Cinn_fml 23
Or the Caf-Pow... :P
ArtIsResistance7 1
Caff-pow? I have no idea what that is. If by coffee, you mean this high grade, Colombian cocaine....NEVER!!! STAY AWAY FROM MY SNOW!
5t3ff1k4h 47
Not caff-pow. caf-pow. Geeeeeeez. Also, I stole your "snow". My talking was just a distraction.
Cinn_fml 23
Caf-Pow is a reference to NCIS. :P
ArtIsResistance7 1
O.O GETTHEFUCKAWAYFROMMYCOCAINE!!! *turns green/rips shirt open - looking like Sylvester Stallone*
5t3ff1k4h 47
Now you look gross. You just ruined your chance of getting it back.
joanjett 0
44 shut up cinn is pwnage.
dabomb691 0
jesus christ u think theyre gonna listen to ur all important advice? u need a life
i2amfrankish 0
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's because they view Cinn as a deviant on this site. She doesn't follow the norm of typing a short, unintellectual statement. And because she's acting in a way contrary to the majority, she's being hated on. And it could be said that people who feel really strongly about the issue will be more willing to take the time to type hostile remarks to her, telling her that no one cares. I find it humorous because it's such a clear contradiction.
ernodea 0
I actually like cinn bcuz she isn't one of these 12 year old girls who go @ what a jerk! divorce his ass " every fml
Cinn_fml 23
Once again I get up to write a message addressing about five people. JoanJett - Thanks. Dabomb - I never said my advice was important, and I don't think that all the OPs even come back to read the comments, however, if they do, then the advice is there. I apologise for being a nice person who likes to help people despite getting hated on by stupid trolls. Also, I have a life that I'm happy with, so piss off.
Cinn_fml 23
Darn, my comment got cut off, so I'll add the second half. Ayame – Thanks. I don't understand the troll thing really, my friend has a theory that it's because they know there will be no consequences on the internet. Which worries me. People shouldn't be mean because they're worried about consequences, they shouldn't be mean because it's a horrible thing to do. I2amfrankish – I never saw myself as a deviant, but I see your point. And I always found the contradiction funny too. Ernodea – Thanks. What's worrying is that not everyone who uses the 'OMG what a jerk, divorce him!' comments are twelve. I like to think that people gain maturity with age, obviously silliness is always fun, but there are times when maturity is a requirement.
keilanclarke 0
shut up pastey chick. on my ipod all your comments are like 15 lines long.
i2amfrankish 0
Keilanclarke, Why do you think you are so bothered by Cinn's messages? It would be easier to just ignore them, right? But why do they elicit such strong feelings from you? Another question: Why aren't you as bothered with short, "non-thought" comments, such as "lol"? Why is it easier for you to glance at them and skip them, ignore them? As mentioned in a previous comment, such thinking is based off of conformity to group (e.g. the majority on FML) norms. Are you that committed to the norms? Or perhaps Cinn's comments, as intellectual and "long" as you perceive them, bring to mind some of your own shortcomings? These shortcomings wouldn't sit right with your idea of being smart and insightful, so you take out your frustration on her. Anyway, I recommend you not comment or read her comments anymore because doing such things will force you to think more about them, which would, as you stated clearly, disturb you.
Zebidee 9
People who like Cinn's comments > People who don't like Cinn's comments (and not just numerically...)
Cinn_fml 23
Keilanclarke - Just for you I'm going to do something I swore I'd never do to a troll again, because I understand that they're just seeking to upset and annoy, but my god you need to be told; piss the **** off! Also, if you can't deal with reading one comment that's 15 lines long, in amongst a whole many pages of comments, then don't read them on a small screen like an ipod, try a PC. Ayame - You are very correct. I2amfrankish - I believe you are correct as well. Zeb - Thanks.
BaKardix 0
Holy shit, Yeah, everyone needs to leave cinn alone.
Joshwk23 0
that's funny
A_black_dude 0
he is my hero
miamomma829 0
Yeah, I'd kick his ass to the curb.
zp5 4
well, he's right.
perdix 31
I guess you're having a girl. If it were a boy, he'd be right there for his newest bro, offering him his first Moosehead.
mrahhhhh 21
Geez what crawled up his bum? It's not like your water broke all over his feet while he was wearing flip flops.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
beat you to it. :P
mrahhhhh 21
Oh dang... Well it was fun while it lasted :)
EvilDave 13
You married him, so YDI.
dreamering 16
Did you wet your classmate's feet before?
Zhu8 5
I guess he didn't want to be the guy in the fml under yours.