Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
niknik2014 1
wow you should kick him out of the hospital when he comes....make up a story to the nurse do he gets kicked out he will learn
vinylcat 0
thats preety funny. he only speaks the truth
Im_Russia 0
thats wat the vodka vodka do to u people not from Russia
iSmellNice 2
YDI for spelling hoes wrong
cufaoil 11
bro's before gardening implements? I think you'll find the plural of Ho is Ho's
5t3ff1k4h 47
No, it isn't, because the plural of tomato/potato respectively is not potato's/tomato's. The "'s" is possessive, therefore it doesn't plural. Hoes, I believe, is correct. Just like potatoes and tomatoes.
cufaoil 11
The English word ***** derives from the Old English word hōra, from the Indo-European root kā meaning "desire". Use of the word ***** is widely considered pejorative, especially in its modern slang form of ho'. since the apostrophe is already there, adding the s pluralises it... but that's getting away from the FML
5t3ff1k4h 47
Interesting. I've never seen it written as ho', so I didn't know that.
lindseytaylor201 0
chicks before dickss. :)
MD_DILF 4
More like "dirty chicks (like you) sucks dirty dicks"
xiiijinx 5
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I haven't laughed this hard in a long ass time. Dammit, I love that man.
alicemay 5
#8 are you stupid? you mixed up two different fmls. and she's obviously not a ho if she's married, albeit she's married to a loser but that's her fault. You are just as pathetic as her husband.
Fooky_fml 0
if you're writing on FML after giving birth than you're life is truly f**ked.
thejacl 0
I call fake on this one....IMHO
ryleep3 0
man tht sucks!!! hang in there! kick tht jerk to the curb!