Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
manthatsucksdont 0
ouch. might wanna talk to him.
laevatin 2
what does that make you if ur pregnant by him, just don't understand ppl like u lol, and besides that you have time to write a fml? hmm your life is very..... ******
5t3ff1k4h 47
What does that make her? A pregnant wife. You don't understand that she's gone into labour and her husband's a douche? And, she didn't necessarily write the FML right as it happened. She may have waited until she got home a few days (give or take) later. Stupid questions deserve smart ass responses.
Zebidee 9
She's pregnant to her HUSBAND. WTF is wrong with you?!
youngboss_fml 2
something i couldhave done ! just unlucky circumstances...
yummycupcakegirl 0
Say back," Chicks before D*ck$"
5t3ff1k4h 47
It's been said already. Oh, and whoever said it last was man... err... woman enough to spell the word 'dicks' out properly.
glambert1998 0
exactly
MD_DILF 4
More like "chicks love dicks"!
lhgurlz 5
wow for ur babys sake I hope he/she is NOT like his/her dad!!
WaylonD 4
all i can say is, two thumbs up bro!
DidHeJustSayThat 0
lmfao!! that would be hillarious if it was like a dinner you were supposed to meet at or something. but the birth of your child? lol yeah that's a new breed of low -.-
emilyk123 0
:o!! i have nothing to say to u hun!!! dump him!!!!
ughfuck1234 0
I lauded so hard when I saw this. this is just such a win.
niknik2014 1
wow you should kick him out of the hospital when he comes....make up a story to the nurse do he gets kicked out he will learn