Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
*Long distance support* What a jerk move! Hang in there!
justsayfuck 5
Oh wow.. that is terrible. I don't see how he can save himself from this one, bonding issues?
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Comments (401)
mike3775 39
Wow what a prick the husband is. When my first was coming, I was at work, and my boss said I couldn't leave, and if I did I would be fired, I went to the time clock, punched out, and went right to the hospital. (I didn't lose my job either, they fired my boss, and gave me 8 weeks pay to not sue) When the twins were coming, I was at Comiskey Park in Chicago watching the White Sox play, and immediately got up and left the game in the 6th inning and went right to the hospital. I didn't care about that Bro's vs Ho's crap this guy pulled, I wanted to be there with my wife as any man should be
LD21tex 0
that's awesome
dius 0
well he is drunk after all
trackkill 0
its not his fault his drunk
DLTsandwich 5
114, umm unless he was having liquor forcibly poured down his throat by his friends, it's definitely his fault he was drunk...
Ficklefart 0
Wut a douche doesnt he know that bros before hos gets cancelled out when you get married?
0opsie 6
Oh man. This is so bad, but it made me laugh. Sorry. :{
suphumanity 0
a true MAN
Clover2009 0
"Today, I went out to the bar in hopes of having a good time before my wife's due date. Apparently I got drunk, and yelled "BROS BEFORE HOS!" and hung up when she called. Why did she call? She was in labor. I can expect a divorce attorney soon."
spanelli 16
That's hilarious. :D
shield1123 0
i'm calling this one a fake. who would get on fmylife after having a baby?
cufaoil 11
all FML's start with "Today", irrespective of when they actually occurred... I can only hope that he thought you were joking around.... otherwise you got yourself a real prize catch there, OP...
skyeyez9 25
Your hubby is a piece of shit to brush off the birth of his child. I bet he will claim to not remember saying it either the next time you see him.