Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend drunkenly pissing out the window. Apparently, I should be happy he pissed out the window instead of just wetting the bed. When I suggested he drink less, he got furious and yelled that I might be a lesbian, since I apparently want him to be a "pansy girly bitch boy." FML
Today, my boyfriend video-called me in the middle of the night, drunk after a night out of partying. He told me that he was chatted up by a girl and proudly exclaimed that he told her off, given his status, all the while showing large hickeys on his neck. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML
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Top comments
123Puppy 33
Why are you with him?
Phil 14
Just tell him that you're more woman than he can handle, and twice the man he'll ever be.
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Comments (15)
123Puppy 33
Why are you with him?
misswilwarin96 11
Hopefully she isn't anymore. I would've dumped his ass right then.
Phil 14
Just tell him that you're more woman than he can handle, and twice the man he'll ever be.
LostSoul 20
leave now! it will only get worse.
RichardPencil 32
I hope you mean... ...you finish it.
acmariner99 25
And then he woke up with a hangover, amnesia, and single.
TrashlifeKaylala 12
Sounds to me like being with you prevented him from doing something while he was out. Especially if hes out with his friends. Potentially stayed loyal but bitter he couldnt act like a **** boy. Dump him
nemcali 34
This shit ain’t right indeed...
mssileas 25
Release him into the wild then, no losses here.
slym12312425 9
sounds like he was a **** boy to begin with and was getting ragged on by is Idiot Friends while out with them for not cheating on you. plus one for loyalty minus... Well more than one for all of the idiocy that phone call contained. the solution? Dump his ass and find somebody who has enough respect for you to not drunk dial you and disrespect you in that way.
E2dav 5
Please tell me you haven't and will not speak to him again. You deserve waaay better