Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it’s almost half past midnight. I received a drunken voicemail from my husband saying that he won’t be coming home tonight because he’s too drunk to drive, but don’t worry, he’s staying at "Cindy’s house", safe and sound. Who's Cindy? FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I found out that my husband lied a few nights ago and was actually drinking with another woman at her house until after midnight. This woman is his best friend’s ex-fiancée, and she's been hitting on my husband for as long as I can remember. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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Top comments
afdude87 6
hmm people make typos?
three3_fml 2
Your wife is getting ******,
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Comments (259)
TheLastZombie 3
Shit, I hope that was an honest mistake.
megandross 0
:C I'm sorry.
Reutan 0
I'm sure someone's said this before, but /translated from french/. His/her is a lot closer in French, afaik, though I don't actually know the language.
domijohns 4
you need to divorce her right now man cheating is by far the ultimate betrayal. she is your wife and she is spending the night at some other guys house? clearly she has lost her respect for you. as a man move on with your life.
overworked96 0
whoever translated this doesn't understand french grammar. the gender of progressive pronouns is determined by the gender of the noun being described (french nouns possess a gender, either masculine or feminine, a concept that doesn't exist in english grammar. for example, un ordinateur, a computer (masculine) or une voiture, a car (feminine)) it is impossible to determine the gender of the person possessing the object by possessive pronouns alone.
Doortje 30
Whoever translated this DOES have a sense of French grammar actually. The original VDM is somewhat different; it's translated in a way that sounds better in English but still captures the lapsus of OP's wife.
lauraaaaaa_fml 7
Generally speaking, you are right that in French it is not possible to tell from a possessive whether the owner of an object is male or female (eg "son ordinateur" can mean both "his computer" and "her computer"). However, in this context I am guessing the original French did make it clear since "at his place" translates as "chez lui", whereas "at her place" would be "chez elle" - the structure in French is different to that in English and a possessive is not used.
JennaMarie420 2
uhh what? who really cares
MeeshaMeeshaPup 8
she probably has a gay friend. that or ur screwed :)
JennaMarie420 2
maybe she was taking her home to her boyfriends house but forgot to mention it
daddyyg 0
no typo shes cheating on you
abcd165 0
oh it's no typo she is taking her girlfriend back but then is going over to the dudes house
johnson35 0
Sorry brah. You really got ******.