Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, and every day this week, my youngest daughter has been telling me about all the new friends she's been making and playing with at school. Her kindergarten teacher explained that when she misbehaves too much, they have been sending her to the other kindergarten class. This isn't the first punishment she's interpreted as a reward. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I learned that my 11 year-old daughter wrote a love letter to her teacher. Cute, right? It was an incredibly graphic letter where she asked him to "abduct her and chain her up in his basement." I now must find her a new school and a therapist. FML
Today, I found out my sex-ed teacher from high school was married and had her first child while she herself was still in high school. Looks like she didn't pay enough attention in sex-ed. FML
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Top comments
The_Thinker 18
Does your daughter happen to overhear you and your partner's late night escapades, by any chance?
supbabes 0
Well at least her impersonation of "grown-ups" is spot on!
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Comments (228)
The_Thinker 18
Does your daughter happen to overhear you and your partner's late night escapades, by any chance?
Trisha_aus 15
Oh lord what has she been watching on TV? But op is a 'Bad mommy' so...sound proof doors
Trisha_aus 15
Oh lord Op! Sound proof doors for Bad Mommy
ReptarRAWR23 0
10- I think she needs sound proof walls!
Fishinaddict22 1
Might also be what they let the daughter watch or what they watch when the daughter is in the room. Kids catch on fast lol.
Fishinaddict22 1
Talking about TV btw. Just re-read what I wrote and it just sounds wrong...
humorizer 14
I first read this as "I found out today that my daughter's kindergarten teacher plays 'grown up' with my daughter, which is basically dry humping her." Then I read it as "I found out today that my daughter's kindergarten teacher makes her play grown up with her male students." Finally, I read it correctly. The first two were much more FMLy.
ahhhhaleigh 1
Well considering the child was acting it out and not just making the noises, I'm pretty sure she has seen way more than she should. Poor kid.
Llamacod 11
no, the first two were much more criminal prosecutey
shots1996 8
Mommas gunna love her teenage years...
dohboi 2
I did the same thing :) its sometimes better the Mis read way!
HahaHokayThen 10
The good ones start young.
uberdubers 3
In about 11 years, get ready to see OP's daughter be on 16 and Pregnant.
winnerme123 8
85- I read this the same way.
Futacy 30
Hey its not a party until you get the whole class to join! lol
MrStongray 2
Nice parenting
AKGirlinSD 20
126, That's exactly what I thought! The little girl probably watches the show, while her parents don't realize or care, and thinks it will be fun. Kids are growing up too fast these days!
biglu 0
That's disgusting you pedophile piece of shyt.
SpikyG 3
She is growing up SOO fast.
supbabes 0
Well at least her impersonation of "grown-ups" is spot on!
rubyliu8420 7
2 is fine
GVirdi 11
34 I could have sworn a few minutes ago you said 2 is fine
perdix 31
"Groan-ups?"
zandalee 20
Pretty common and normal. Jeez. We all need to lighten up. They are trying to ban hugging in primary schools right now. I think that sucks.
Gunslinger3974 0
I don't know where your child-experience comes from, but that is not 'common' or 'normal'.
rico1ness 2
Hey:)
MrStongray 2
Hey what's up? Oh and 151 you serious about the hugging ban? But hugs make the world go round
sirpantselot 22
At least you'll have grandkids soon.
reallytho3 11
I don't think it's right to b a grandparent before the mom is in training bras...
Lipbalm80 3
That wouldn't be possible for a little kid who hadn't got their period hahaha
lolipop1234_fml 7
210- pointing out the obvious much?
erockinthesuburb 17
Future Career? Bow chicka wow wow!
Aug1508 9
They just start earlier and earlier these days.
DomDomxoxo 16
I think I actually used to play that too. A little girl of 6 years old taught me that sex is when one lies on top of another and they move... So awkard...
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"Th-the c-c-cow says---**** this, I'm gonna be a stripper."
DynamicDave 11
When I was in kindergarten a girl in my class told me grown ups have sex by rubbing their butts together.
DomDomxoxo 16
128: did you do it?
mango260 9
When I was in kindergarden the girls in my class would hide in the school doll house and kiss eachother, and persude others to join.
brackaman 18
Actually 105 I think that career's started already in the present...
Zelda9678 11
Bow Chicka Honk Honk!
jakk_mehoff 4
time to get a lock for your bedroom door
bingo01_fml 13
If the kid was seeing things as opposed to hearing them, there would probably be nakedness involved also.
GVirdi 11
25 you can't exactly know what someone is doing by hearing them (well sometimes you probably can) but a little kid isn't going to hear moaning and immediately know how to hump without seeing it somewhere
Dracoboxer357 36
25- Uhm, I don't think Op's daughter heard and perfectly mimicked the dry humping, just the groaning. Kind of suggests to me that she's seeing things as well as hearing them. ;p Edit: Ah, 43 beat me to the punch. :)
bingo01_fml 13
Have you watched TV lately? Pretty much anything that isn't on a cartoon channel contains moaning and humping.
Dracoboxer357 36
53- Touché.
Llamacod 11
even cartoon channels have some pretty iffy shows
jizzwold 21
92 like what?
RedPillSucks 33
That damn "Dora, the Explorer". Now we know what she's exploring.
akou616 3
Actually, years ago, on the very first Batman and Superman cartoon crossover this was said "Where's the Joker?" "I don't know, probably making ha-ha with Harley Quinn". Though not so bad as today in green lantern cartoon movie, some alien chick, stroking a lantern's chest says "why don't these suits come with zippers?"
brackaman 18
@ 96 Almost every episode of animaniacs. Have you ever understood why they said “goodnight everybody”?
slick5880 22
She going to be very popular some day. They grow up so fast.
seasonedtoast 19
Re-read the post and try again
ambowew 7
#11, you should try the same. Just keep trying, and never give up! You may there some day!
ambowew 7
Urgh, freezing phone during editing FTW. get there*
slick5880 22
Thank you toast. I edited my comment in time to make sense because of you. My apologies for all of the thumbs down you're getting.
GVirdi 11
38 if 8 is the ship then Toast didn't go down with the ship, Toast went down saving the ship (even though he was trying to burn it at first)
stormer461 13
Does she get paid to play grown ups?
dmandan 4
I used to play that with a girl in kindergarten ... Make sure you teach her that sex is for grown ups - otherwise she may become pregnant by the time she is 12... Or worse, like an incurable STD
yupitssoph 18
All kids do weird things unknowingly. It really has no effect on how they'll turn out in the future. They learn what they're doing isn't appropriate eventually.
CaramelMacchiato 13
Humans are sexual beings. Even the innocent ones, ha.
dmandan 4
What does OP stand for ??
day624 14
Shes been playing hide and go seek with herself and hiding under your bed at night..