Mr San Bernardino, United States 25 years-old Single
Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML
Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML
Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML
Today, I got a text saying I was "banned" from a volunteer group by the vice chair. Why? Because him dumping me the night before and leaving me in the bar alone drunk and crying wasn't enough for him, apparently. FML
Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something?" I asked. I was not expecting the answer, "A period mural." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
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