Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I got a boner at the dentist's. FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML
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Top comments
Sathane 21
Found the Vegan.
gratunka 11
it could be environmental. nothing to do with you. take your wife to the great outdoors for some nature rumbling/tumbling.
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Comments (106)
flopstar 21
If it only happened once, I'm sure its fine op (:
couchcat 25
Well, it's good to catch these things early.
knight2109 12
interesting bits to know about anatomy, testosterone levels are highest when you wake up giving you the most sex drive then, as you sre awake it steadily decreases meaning that in the twilight hours of when a women's libido is at its peak, a man's is at its lowest, they tend to be at around the same point at 4 pm. this message brought to you by science.
smokecloud_ 37
That explains why I only get morning sex anymore instead of night sex. >:(
imyy 20
This happens to everyone - must be mental and/or nerves.
DemHaxBro 20
Are you a cow?
higgysaurus 18
Nothing sexier than fresh cut grass.
xx000o 27
Feed her some grass before she gives you head the next time.
Batkid217 14
sounds like your erections are pretty disfunctional!
MrSassypants 34
Disfunction junction with the male junk malfunction.
PePziNL 20
Holy shit that was the best sentence I've ever read
gratunka 11
it could be environmental. nothing to do with you. take your wife to the great outdoors for some nature rumbling/tumbling.
beeferjay 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
or you might have the herp...
XxDanno316xX 27
21...No. Just no.
Jackimo98 24
#21 has the derp
SweetPsycho 13
#21 how did you come up with that? like really?... that's just, no...
imnotc00l 10
I would say you are probably fine. Everyone gets boners at weird times.
Sathane 21
Found the Vegan.
Ashamed_Sister 60
I've logged in to give you a thumbs-up.
donuts678 25
Maybe your wife should dress up as grass
Tripartita 45
Overcooked spaghetti… now I'm vaguely hungry and confused. Thanks a lot, OP.
olpally 33
What the ****? If it only happens just this once, I don't see it as a big problem... xD
helptheorphans 17
overcooked spahetti turns hard after a while...