Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML
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Top comments
spinda 22
WTF. That's ******* gross and creepy.
sturschaedel 27
She just doesn't want you to go blind.
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Comments (141)
sturschaedel 27
She just doesn't want you to go blind.
vikky538 29
Why ? My mistake he would shoot the load in eyes?
ThatHorse 15
Going blind from masturbation is an old myth started by religious people to stop young boys from masturbating. Others include hair growing on the palms and that it will damage the genitals, making them unable to be used later on.
ThatHorse 15
And those are the ones for boys. Girls had a whole different set of myths created. Like how it uses them up and they'll be worthless later in life or how using a vibrator makes them unable to ******.
riffehunter 16
please, we all know the female ****** is a myth....
interesting33 37
I think #66 was joking, as it is another myth to stop women trying to ******
ThatHorse 15
I know 66 was joking. However I tried and failed to find any humor in the joke.
GaySeaOtter 13
Next episode of mythbusters needs to test this wives tale
FitFriday 32
Or cross eyed
riddhi 16
seriously, thank god you flush them
MrKento11 12
I understand that it could be a really serious problem for his pumbling if he does such.
lil_ham1644 29
hes flushing tissues, not condoms.
AbtractAngela 17
semen can actually destroy pipes
Rithvikhari 14
Semen can't melt steel beams
nitrog100 21
Well there goes my 9/11 theory.
DestinyNiya 33
It's sad how some people don't think it's natural. FYL
sonasonic 34
Masturbating on its own is not a bad activity at all, and is completely normal. But masturbating to an artificial stimulus like **** or pictures is not good for the mind, as it associates sex with more unattainable features found in **** stars. But the question really is, does anyone truely ********** without thinking about ****? Fapping without thinking about your crush?
thisguy22 33
If you keep in mind that **** is acting, not reality, it has no ill effects IMO. Plus fantasizing is a normal part of everyone's lives. Sexual or not. Reality seldom matches what our minds create for us.
gichikku 14
#14, yes..some people do ********** without thinking of or watching ****. I know from experience. I just focus on reaching the end for the feeling.
okokalright 15
Exactly. Masturbation is 100% natural. People, both men and women, usually discover it in the mid teens pretty randomly. I don't see why some people, religious or not, think it's bad and unnatural. The joke is on her if she did find out the hard way
SecundusSecunda 27
Why is 14 so down-voted? What they stated is true but it lacks parts which would've made his explanation better
coatl45 11
I've heard of that "**** makes you unable to finish" thing. That's why I use novels instead of pictures. With a good imagination, you can keep the partners in you're league.
interesting33 37
I get what #14 is saying I think. Personally I can't fap without thinking about certain scenarioes/fantasies and religiously it is something I struggle with because you aren't meant to lust and sexual fantasies include lust. But as an actual act I don't see a problem with it. The problem is I can't get off without the thoughts that I am told are bad.
DoomedGemini 38
I'm not someone who watches ****, but from my understanding there are many people who do. And not all are the over the top **** that could never be real. If watching or thinking of **** causes negative affects(there are **** addictions of course or people who don't have common sense that don't realize it's fantasy but as I said most people seem to watch ****) we'd be seeing a lot of those effects. Plus, if **** is bad so is creating a fantasy in your head like someone above said.
TheNewGuy03 29
74, get your priorities straight
deathmec 20
Why is #14 so down-voted? It's true what is said. **** causes erectile dysfunction in guys and kills dopamine cells in both men and women. using your imagination should be fine though.
Demon_of_Light 27
96, we are seeing those side effects. Most psychologists can tell you that viewing **** is correlated with increased violence, especially in a sexual context.
Destiny8745 29
That's just creepy.
whysobeachy 37
How old are you, OP?
PhinIt2WinIt 24
old enough to have found about **** i guess.
ShadowlessSpear 21
****==masturbation
phreaker913 21
#31, "old enough to have found out about ****" so what, like 10. i mean technology today, its not that hard to stumble across it online. sometimes just a typo is all you need. like google. if you double tap a certain letter its ****
Darko913 4
I once tried to look up "Bath and Body Works" by looking up "BBW" and let's just say that it was a bad time.
spinda 22
WTF. That's ******* gross and creepy.
Captain_Debilos_fml 13
she's completely crazy
EminemIsDemBoss 9
but the main question is, did you ********** in it
whysobeachy 37
In the dustbin?
olillia 16
He's not saying she thinks he masturbated into the trash can.. But that he used tissues to clean up and then threw them in there
rainbowsRlove 15
what if she had gotten a nose full of cum joke would still be on her
RedPandax 23
That's super weird and kinda creepy. My parents are super religious and would kick my brothers out if they found out they did that, but they would never dig in the trash for used tissues. That's just gross. Anyway, you're really lucky you dodge that bullet, there would probably be hell to pay if she caught you and your used tissues.
RedPandax 23
I've gotten grounded for not eating a meal they cooked (and knew I didn't like it before hand) and I requested a salad, but she refused and grounded me for like a week and a half.
nonsensical 26
#20... "requested a salad"? maybe that's why you were grounded? she's not your chef or waitress, she worked hard to make a meal for the family and if you don't like it then make a salad yourself, right?
RedPandax 23
#55, I do make my own salads.
RedPandax 23
To expand because my timer ran out #55, I got grounded for not liking chicken fried steak, and they knew before hand I didn't like it. I asked to make a salad and I was told of I wasn't going to eat the chicken friend steak I might as well turn over all my stuff over to her and when I asked when I might get it back she said whenever I decided to eat chicken fried steak
coatl45 11
Yeah, you need to get out of there. I'm sure you love you're folks, but it sounds to me like they did that because they were getting back at you for questioning them. I'm in the military, so I'm familiar with that kind of stuff, but my mom's second husband also did that. He would punish me and my brothers by finding the worst tasting canned soup and making us eat it. It would usually be ok, but sometimes he found the most disgusting crap in the world. For him, it wasn't even about religion (he went to church every Sunday morning, but he had no faith in it, one of the worst church hypocrites I've ever seen, why I want nothing to do with Christianity), he punished us if we made him look bad, or questioned him to much. This is my experience with ultra controlling parents. Weather or not it's what you're parents are doing, I don't know. I'm just saying you should get out from under them, then you'll be able to talk to them as an equal and figure out why they're doing this. But, this is just my advice. (Not even sure why I said so much in the first place.)
DarkShard 6
My father is just like this. He is probably the most anal person ever. He is the kind of person who believes respect does not need to be earned, and him being the man who's sperm I came from is enough for me to respect whatever decision he makes, for the better or worse for my sake.
nonsensical 26
#59 oh ok, thank you for elaborating. In that case it really does suck
DoomedGemini 38
That seems like a FML all on its own. I agree with the others, get in your feet as soon as you can. Though also be aware of yourself. It seems like most kids with over controlling parents either have mental issues because of it or go all out when they get a taste of freedom.
phreaker913 21
#97, they have actually done studies that show being overly controling parents, especially if the kid goes to college, makes them much more likely to become addicted to drugs and alcohol. and i mean DRUGS, not marijuanna
lationas 25
Sounds like you have super nice parents.. No, they sound like bat shit crazy, religious nuts! I feel sad on your behalf...
xGoldColossus 7
#111 I can vouch for that my parents are super religious and we're retardedly over controlling when I was a kid. I went nuts when I left home. Thankfully I never got addicted to anything in particular but for a good 4 years I went on a party binge and have done just about every drug in the book at some point or another and made it a point to drink my body weight in liquor. I've calmed down a lot now but I doubt my parents and I will ever be close. And OP I'm sorry you have to deal with that