Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML
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Top comments
spinda 22
WTF. That's ******* gross and creepy.
sturschaedel 27
She just doesn't want you to go blind.
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Comments (141)
cadyshaw17 13
You really shouldn't flush tissues down the toilet. It's bad for the pipes
DoomedGemini 38
And if he throws them in the trash, it's bad for op.
LeeEverett 20
California gets all the weirdos. Just read the FML above this one
Robert3Lee 13
Nice name tag ???
sunny354wi 8
Buy her a UV light for crying out loud!!
captainsmegma 12
She can smell the difference between cum and not. What church teaches that?
butterbunny 15
My brain can't even process the amount of stupidity in this fml. Sorry op
orios105 18
crispy socks ~key and peele
KneeJerker 24
If your name is true, that is genius. Thanks for the tip! *flushes next ones down the toilet*
ezrajab 22
Nasty
itsme82 18
Take care of things in the shower. Op, I'm sorry you're being brought up in this kind of home. You're a normal, healthy kid and I hope you don't let your mom stop you from doing you.