Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML
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Top comments
spinda 22
WTF. That's ******* gross and creepy.
sturschaedel 27
She just doesn't want you to go blind.
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Comments (141)
nifa86 12
Hope she didn't check the socks
JKPwnage 27
How would she know what semen smells like, first of all? Seriously, OP, get away from her. She's insane.
lationas 25
Masturbation lowers the risk of getting prostate cancer, so carry on OP!!
wondermoose 28
This is sad.
shinikageWolf 15
Does she also check and make sure you aren't wearing blended clothes and eating pork?
tlovesdolphins 16
Yo momma so nasty, she... well, I think you already know.
nevereyes 31
Ahhh the "wonders" of religious parents......... There's nothing wrong with masturbation and your mom is hella creepy
Denny1988 19
that's just insane, do whatever you need to to move out as soon as possible, and apply to universities far away and don't tell her about girlfriends, not even when you are about to marry them, she'd kill them, and probably castrate you in your sleep
Ninjerman 7
I'm scared for you.
mattrd_fml 31
there other ways to tell than sniffing them.