Today, I was in the bathroom taking a massive dump, with the door closed, moaning and yelling to get it out, knowing I was home alone. When it was done, I walked out to see my mother on the couch, who said, "I know masturbation is normal, but please try to do it while we're not here." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
Time to eat some freaking fiber dude.
draghkar 18
“Who’s number two’s boss?!?”
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Comments (4)
Plop 17
Time to eat some freaking fiber dude.
RichardPencil 32
Listen well! With a name like Plop, he must know what he's talking about.
draghkar 18
“Who’s number two’s boss?!?”
Royal Sataness 4
see a Dr my dude. working that hard for a shit isn't normal
JasonThorn 23
"Oh, no. I was just taking a dump the size of a birthday cake! I mean, I thought I was going to need a CROWBAR for it. Let me tell you what it looked like, and how it felt pushing...hey, where'd you go, Mom?"