Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. She was looking for the remote, blindly trying to put her hand into the sofa. Instead, she shoved her hand down the back of my pants. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
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Top comments
blondie1208 17
so how did the conversation with grandma go?
ZebulonPike 8
Owned!
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Comments (206)
ZebulonPike 8
Owned!
JacobWithaY 5
Did she at least make you wash your hands?
Kypopz 9
The mom is so casual, like it's an everyday thing..
kjcookie10 9
"Hold on mom!! I'm about to finish... Oh!!! Ok let me talk to my Grams!"
rodgersfan 6
At first I thought it said stop jacking off to your grandmother....
me_gusta_eso 1
Your mom is such a "jerk off".
Idonebeenhad 17
Did your grandma ask how it went?
urdirtyolduncle 15
What a noob.
ForeverUnemplyed 0
Op never said he was jacking off he couldve just been playing with his balls or something :/
StoryOfTheYear 15
Target acquired. Launch sequence in 3... 2...
GovernorGeneral 8
The moms probably used to walking in on people jerking off. Lol. xD
iliketofu 6
Was the phene on vibration?
I_Punch_Babies 7
i wouldve kept jacking off just to piss her off
GovernorGeneral 8
And i wouldve cut your dick off.
I_Punch_Babies 7
and i wouldve shoved a buck knife in your vag
mancool124 4
ydi for not locking your door>.> ••••••
16rrpass 0
Retard
kapippenger 0
My sides hurt from laughing!!
TheRealBruce 12
Oh noo! Ydi for making it so obvious
TherealMort 0
Hi Bruce! Long time no see
TheMaster15 10
Im curious. Was he just like watching tv and then like "ohh spongebob, yesss", or what?
ladyLALAA 29
TheRealLalaa
girl112891 7
Lock you door next time.
boofgall 16
69- thumbed down.. Your comments always seem to annoy me ._.
zombicidal 11
I wonder if all these real*insert family guy character here* are like the same dude that just likes to **** with our heads
jaredjudd21 2
:O it's like a family reunion. 44- your a jew
ImFrackinBored 13
Was I the only one who read this in his voice?
jaredjudd21 2
124- do you realize how much that would consume your life. ( starts sobbing) its soooo difficult....
TheRealBruce 12
Oh heyy Mort it has been long let's catch up sometime and to everyone else we are not the same person:)
lolmonster34 0
Did anyone say oh nooo in a Bruce voice or was that just me
evillittleme 5
Yeah OP, just how loud do u fap?! Geez
GhostDuck 30
I'm assuming very carefully.
Poser1337 5
Both of these family characters live in the same location. OMG SAME PERSON
Kypopz 9
152 - I read your description in Bruce's voice..
blondie1208 17
so how did the conversation with grandma go?
AlaskanEskimo34 0
"hang on grandma let me finish real quick....ahhhhh....okay so how was bingo yesterday?"
segge5 0
Just a little;)
FMLsOhilarious 6
#80 nope, I actually found it funny
gntfmlingnow 12
80 - it was obviously too far if it hit the phone. OH, you meant the joke. Never mind.
ForeverUnemplyed 0
Grandma: "You're growing up so fast! Just yesterday I was changing your diapers but look at you now" :,) OP: "Well grandma now you can buy me new underwear cuz I need to change mine! ;D
Torva_fml 16
121- try a washing machine. those save people from buying tons of new clothes.
monkeebalz 0
Well thats a "jerk" move
sportsmaniak13 3
ahh puns
CheckItOutItsYou 7
Ahh noobs
ForeverUnemplyed 0
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh as am I
stuffhappens223 7
Haha don't hear that everyday
PYLrulz 17
129 - I believe your line was "c-c-c-combo breaker!"
ImInYourFACEbook 8
141- I believe you meant 'CUMbo breaker' No? Ok..my bad.
JEnglish89 1
You should probably stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother...
TheRealBruce 12
.
coried91 28
This comment was pointless
MikeDa1Da 14
So was this one
MikeDa1Da 14
So was this one.
flockz 20
and all of these.
pookberry 4
Boobs
tylersign 11
^ Not pointless.
ForeverUnemplyed 0
Sword!!!!
number0 8
AND MY AXE!
RedPillSucks 33
Why does he have to stop? Men can multi-task too. *Hi grandma, don't mind the fapping sound. ...So, how's tricks? *
cash_monkey72 9
6 out of 7 of these comments were pointless. Mine included.
MelTheGreat 23
Old people... yum.
bling87 0
That is really creepy...
Guy247bp2 1
That made me want to vomit.
KiddNYC1O 22
Herberta?
Amrel 10
Theres a website for people like you Mel
maddienoelle 13
Does no one understand the joke here besides me?
Amrel 10
Enlighten me Maddie
ForeverUnemplyed 0
Mel is obviously a cannibal that especially enjoys the elderly how could you have not gotten that???
Miss_Attitude96 24
And your grandmother hung up after she said that, right?
arttyruiz 7
I wonder how grandma reacted.
takeitandrun 13
Don't jack off when other people are at the house, or at least lock the door. Don't be rude.
cooLING 0
There also is a thing called "knocking". Have you heard of it?
drlove78843 6
I live in a big family, if I'm not gonna jack off whenever someone at home then I would never be able to it :(
KiddNYC1O 22
Just make believe you're taking a shit. Or simply do it in the shower.
LolFMLnot 10
56 you can always do it at night time in the washroom
icefshng8 9
Takeitandrun, is that your snake? What is it? Carpet python? I've never seen one with quite that pattern.
fgwrxfiend 11
you live IN a big family #56? how's that going?
DoctorNana 0
Not everyone has locks on their doors :S
weeman4189 0
Omg lol rotfl