Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML
Today, I came home and asked my wife if she wanted to get eaten out. She just glared at me. Last week, she said all I had to do to make her want sex was asking if she wanted to get eaten out. It's been months since we had sex. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
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Top comments
Blazingcrono 6
The woman knows.
Doortje 30
Perfect marriage: give a little, take a little.
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Comments (139)
Blazingcrono 6
The woman knows.
macskapingvin 0
Disagree with her on everything! You get more happy fun time, she gets to feel like she controls you. You each get what you want! Also, you could probably swing the argument quite effectively by doing the same for her.
krazeeguy 0
**** your life? no. **** my life for both not getting head AND her still getting whatever she wants
melissa_cheslik 3
women know everything on how to get men to give them whatever they want :P
KingDingALing 9
It would probably go something like this, guys. Wife: Honey, can I have sex with your friend? OP: What?! NO! Wife: How about I give you some head? OP: **** his brains out, baby.
Reyo 2
And now you know...every time you want head, hold out on something she wants. Wife: "Honey can you take the trash out?" You (with penis out): "I don't know...I'm a little tired."
alakomonus 0
^win shit I'd do that lol
Elisaburger 0
Bhahaha! That made me laugh out loud :)
Dandukas 0
Well yes, but you give us what we want to get what you want, fair deal ^^
demonjacobs666 0
There's actually fetishes for that kind of mind-control.
TylerOMFG 7
Lol win haha XD
poopypunts 0
we cant all be winners
FMLforALL 0
That really blows!
MarshTronic 3
What a great pun. :P
Doortje 30
Yeah, and so original! >_>
Technocidal 0
ZING
Doortje 30
Perfect marriage: give a little, take a little.
SparcMac 0
give lots take lots
smiley_ily 0
wow, you're easy.... good luck, she could get far.. haha
DjeePee 25
Easy, or he just doesn't get oral often. Anyways, OP, you make your wife very happy, more people should act like you. My boyfriend, for instance. The 'I will agree to anything' part seems fair enough for me.
thakiller 0
^ no not really all women want is control over their man. A woman's motto: Agree or be free ..
msapp2 0
haha doesnt always work.
CitrusGirl 0
Me and my boyfriend are both very independent of each other. No problems there.
_krispy 0
cool story bro
Mirorbo 27
Fuhohohoho!~ She has you well trained, darling!~
julicious_fml 0
how is that even bad?!
enoughgrace 4
He is showing who wears the pants... or who was wearing the pants... oh!
SupermanXL 3
haha 30
Coma001st 0
wow slutty or what.
foreverspellman 0
I'm 23, have had numerous sexual partners, and yet have only recieved Oral one solid time through. feel lucky op, at least she wants to do it if it means getting her way.
DjeePee 25
I want to do it because I love (to see) my partner (enjoying it). Much better reason.
macskapingvin 0
I like the way you put that.
Mubus 0
8: There is a specific term for you.
roeallen 11
This coming from a Toronto Maple Leafs fan? Please, we do not want to hear it.
RedPillSucks 33
Oral is great. I love talking about sex!
chinte24 0
11 ur awsome i need 2 find me a girl like u
jannielovesjack 0
He shouldn't necessarily feel lucky because of that. Many women give oral. That normally comes before other types of sex in relationships. He should actually feel disappointed if his partner will only give him that just so she can get stuff. You should do it because you care for your partner and their pleasure.
DrummerBoy21 0
This is not an FML Moment. With an FML, it's like a Slap to the Face. For this, I'd give you a High Five.
FYLorYDIohno 12
Smart thinking. Who would've thought her tactic would work.
ColetteL 4
Who didn't?