Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
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Top comments
GigaPudding_fml 24
I'm not sure if a calender and calculations works on him, but to me that just sounded like a total mood kill
batman_516 9
I appreciate the fact that you're keeping score and wanting MORE sex, but if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a little weirded out that you're keeping score.
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Comments (269)
07jeepster 0
Come over
yomolandia 4
On reading the comments, I am starting to think it might actually be a good idea to keep a track of the no of times of sex. Maybe this sounds a bit gay-ish (girlish), though. I guess guys don't understand the "girly" thoughts.
Alastrina_fml 20
The last time I had a boyfriend who didn't want to get intimate with me, I grabbed him by his hip pockets and pulled him into me for a kiss, whereupon I told him [in a sultry voice] I was seriously horny, then licked his lip. I think it worked, because the sex was great after. =)
cassiebear7652 7
What the heck is your problem?
harrypotterfanat_fml 3
someone took data management...
Gil2112 0
Damn, chill out. You won't die if you don't have sex.
JasonEP 3
That's ******* creepy. If my gf did that to me, I don't think I'd be in the mood much for the rest of the month.
GagaForGaga103 1
obviously someone doesn't have a life since they have enough to make sex calendars.
Maximus22 0
Personally I doubt you would have time for the calendar if he was truly interested. Dump him and find someone you don't have to worry about not giving you enough attention.
nateshannon1 4
what creep keeps a record of what days theyve had sex on. further more, what creep compares the activity with last months statistics. get a ******* hobby.