Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML
Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML
Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML
Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML
Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML
Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML
Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML
Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
No vodka on you? What good is being Russian? I'm sincerely disappointed, OP.
Wizardo 34
As any well trained sleeper cell is meant to do buddy.
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Comments (191)
Wizardo 34
As any well trained sleeper cell is meant to do buddy.
enginsteve 17
Nailed it!
mohamed_H 21
I'm from the middle east and people always ask me if i go to school by camel or not... now that's some bs
Qwermy 16
Mohammed, get your shit together. You missed the school camel again?
NikkiAmber09 12
People would ask me if I actually have ever lived in a teepee. Dah fuq? They were serious too.
SadSouthernBell 18
Ignorance is bliss, it sounds like you're around a lot of happy people.
ILoveMyArm 15
Hey, hey, hey! Why are you Russian to conclusions? For all we know, it could have just been one person asking her this stuff. Though, the way OP is Putin it, it does sound rough. What an annoyance to deal with, but OP should always remember that, when life hands you Lenins, make poison out of them and use it to an advantage.
wratty11 17
Top Marx for those puns, #58!
beanzz0501 19
smart person right here
MortenM 17
Marx was German, not Russian. Stop Jeltsin around in facts and start inStalin correct info
chinaski7628 32
Oh, Crimea river...
dreamful_artist 14
Gotta love stereotypes.
Dillyduzit 23
I love them. When people find out I'm from Colorado I almost always have to follow it up with "No, I don't smoke pot." I get a good laugh out of it :)
dreamful_artist 14
I'm half Japanese so people always assume I'm obsessed with anime haha.
wchil 14
#47 im curious on how your state got the whole weed smoking stereotype last i checked amost everywhere kids/adults smoke it
interesting33 37
It is now legal to smoke weed in Colorado :)
Dillyduzit 23
@66 Colorado and Washington were the first states to legalize marijuana for recreational use. For some reason Colorado got all the popularity for it.
brand125 17
the numbers of people who started smoking after legalization isnt as high relative to he amount of smokers to make a big difference, most people who do it dont care if its illegal or not, they do it anyways. haha
tantanpanda 26
#47, at least people don't think you ride a horse to school everyday.
wvcheesehead 13
I am from WV, not a fan either.
SirMichael 13
@74, I think it's because Colorado actually legalized it first, Washington took several months longer to implement the law.
e_is_for_eli 12
or that we all wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats everywhere, stereotypes aren't everything y'all.
davisjenny81 30
Why would Putin ride a bear?
PurpleMyth 28
Why wouldn't he #4?
Sansa_fml 38
Haha I was thinking the same thing. That's a weird stereotype.
Nicolasaur726 21
Because Putin banned memes about himself, why else?
Ashfyr 18
I also thought that was a little weird
IamHercules 24
#4 why wouldn't he?
thatguynamedsky 32
russia has a bunch of grizzlys i th i thought
BrotherTheo 31
Hot Damn Why WOULDN'T he? I'd Friggen LOVE to ride a bear! How cool would THAT be!?!
malishka18 19
there's like a thing going around that putin said he wrestled a bear with his bare hands. and then he rode it. but no one knows if that's true lol
davisjenny81 30
I'm Soviet Russia bear rides Putin... Had to get it over with before someone else did
hamburgerjung 23
It was basically a way for Putin to tell everyone how great he is. And from that Story came a lot of pictures to make fun of his ''I fought a bear and rode it''-statement.
MrConcise 35
No vodka on you? What good is being Russian? I'm sincerely disappointed, OP.
rdenkewicz 11
I don't have a hotdog and apple pie on me. I guess I'm a failed American...
Rodville 28
You forgot the moonshine.
interesting33 37
I love your username! Very concise! Though I suppose it could have been shortened to 'No vodka? Disappointing Russian.'
MrConcise 35
That just seems a little racist at that point.
R2Y2 22
He didn't say it wasn't in him! Hehe
jenjen2633 17
Nor do I have any maple syrup or pet polar bears.
tigerborn69 18
You live in the Soviet Union right
wyverntail 15
No, OP lives in Canada.
SkylaChristian 18
I'm sorry OP, I hope people learn that stereotypes don't apply to everyone and maybe learn some manners soon.
Nicolasaur726 21
I hate stereotypes, but every nationality, race, gender, religion, and sexuality has them. There's no escaping them. Ignorance is bliss.
IDerive 12
Stereotypes are simply sociologically recognized patterns. They aren't perceived as solidified truths but rather speed up the process of generalized decision making. Because people have preferences that fit into a larger pattern. Saying you hate stereotypes is stereotyping as not all stereotypes are bad and negative.
Overlord247 20
You don't happen to be in America do you? I'm from South Africa and when we visited the US a few years ago I had to explain about five times a day we don't keep wild animals as pets. (As a side note, in Texas one guy asked what state South Africa was in)
liquifiednate 21
No it says at the top that he is in Canada.
Overlord247 20
Thanks :) sorry I'm on the mobile site
wanted_2_want 40
it says Canada at the bottom of the post.
FiendHunter 19
But it says where he is on the mobile site too!
Overlord247 20
No. It doesn't. At least not for me
tbear4prez 14
I'm surprised no one asked you why you're white.
Overlord247 20
A few people did but somehow they all belived that every African has at least one wild animal as a pet.
tukies 28
People stereotype everywhere. It's not just an America thing.
senor_octubre 24
Stereotypes Are a bitch aren't they?