Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML
Today, I was the Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding. Months earlier, we had a bitter fight, but she picked out a beautiful dress for me and I thought we were past it. When I began speaking, the lights changed to a weird brightness and my friend snickered. My dress was completely see-through. FML
Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to surprise him and caught him with another girl. As my boyfriend got up to explain himself, I, in a state of shock, violently threw up on him (and partially her). His mum had let me in the house. At least I know whose side she's on. FML
Today, as my husband and I were leaving our wedding reception, my mother-in-law hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You're gonna do great tonight!" FML
Today, my girlfriend was in the midst of giving me head when she got lockjaw. My dick was stuck inside her mouth as she bit down on it for over an hour. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML
Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML
Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML
Today, I found out that my husband of 11 years shared nude pictures of me with random people online, to 'show me off' and to masturbate to the pictures he received in return. FML
Froggie89 tells us more.
Hi everyone, OP here. I'm really struggling to put everything into perspective, so many thanks for all of your input! I'd like to clarify that he took the pictures at his own initiative at occasions where I was (getting) undressed. I didn't really give permission, just playfully raised a fist and let him. After all, we've been together for 11 years since highschool, I would've trusted him with my life. Learned that the hard way. He did blur my face, but that makes little difference because he would tell the people it was his wife and his full name was visible on his profile (he wasn't aware of that fact until I pointed it out). Divorce is our only option at this point, I don't trust him anymore, especially since there also have been other lies. I decided not to press charges as I would like to divorce on friendly terms.
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Today, I wanted to get my mind off my ex, so like any other guy I decided to watch some porn and jack it. I see one video with a familiar looking room so I click on it. Guess who I saw getting it from some dude? So much for forgetting about my ex. FML
Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML
Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML
Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML
Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML
Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend who is a VERY loud moaner. He kept saying my name over and over again then all of a sudden his mom comes in and says "yes hun...oh God sorry"...that's how I found out I have the same name as my boyfriend's mom. FML
OhGreat. tells us more.
OhGreat. 9
Hey OP here! No he doesn't live with with his mom. No I didn't know his mom's name. He lives alone so no we didn't lock the doors. His mom lives in Florida with his step dad she was coming up to visit and to meet me she was a week early! He never called her by her first name it's always "my mom". But I guess when she's around he calls her by her first name all the time but with me he calls her mom. I hope to God that during us having sex he wasn't thinking of her....thats weird.
Today, my girlfriend told me she won't have sex with me anymore. When I asked her why, she said I've lost too much weight and I now look like her son. Her son is 4 feet tall and 9 years-old. I'm 6 feet tall and 30 years old. She said that having sex with me feels like having sex with her son. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML
Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML
Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML
Today, I went on a Tinder date with a hot British guy. He spent 90% of the date talking about his ex, but I invited him back to my place anyway. He came after 20 minutes of foreplay then left without even offering to get me off. FML
milksquad tells us more.
OP here! This is my second FML to get published this week, either I'm on a roll or my life is just really shitty lol. I was pretty bitter when I posted this but in hindsight, yeah, it was a pretty stupid decision. Looks (and a cute accent) aren't everything I suppose! I guess I was more surprised that he left so abruptly. Like, he came and then put on his clothes and walked out with barely a goodbye. I've had meaningless Tinder hookups in the past and they were always at least nice about it. I guess those were just flukes. Definitely learned my lesson!
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML
Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
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