Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML
Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML
Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML
Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
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Top comments
Glowworm56 27
"Big deal, man. I lick my balls all day and hump the couch."
bigtwobah 6
If your ritual in the afternoon is to beat off, you need a goddamn job.
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Comments (13)
Glowworm56 27
"Big deal, man. I lick my balls all day and hump the couch."
John Froggatt 3
Yup sounds like my Amy ;-)
bigtwobah 6
If your ritual in the afternoon is to beat off, you need a goddamn job.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Maybe he works nightshifts?
CheekyRaccoon 27
Kind of a jerk move, watching you and making things weird. A pretty dog move IMO.
jfsiv 17
So.... just how do you look into his eyes now?
tolkien897 15
Well, at least you aren't the weird one that let's their dog in on the action. those people are creepy.
olga_crvjl 19
Ohhh poor dog can never look at you same either lol
babyblueyes 27
....why did you finish? That's the most disturbing part. The fact that you stared and continued..
jbuckets_404 39
As opposed to your daily morning or evening wank???
Bri Evans 2
OMG poor dog