Thanks but no thanks.

Unapproving

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

Congrats!

Today, I was working as a caterer at a wedding when I congratulated the bride’s mom, saying, "You must be so proud of your daughter!" She responded, "I’m the bride." FML

Today, it was my wedding day. When my soon-to-be-husband was saying his vows, he didn't say my name. He said his mother's. FML

Never enough

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered into my wife's ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud, because I was embarrassing her. FML

Practice makes perfect sense

Today, I practiced my wedding vows in front of the mirror we have in the hallway. When I was done, I heard clapping from my living room. Turns out my fiancé’s parents had come over early for dinner and had heard everything. FML