Today, as it's been a long time since I've been with a woman, I decided to enlist the services of an escort. Upon my arrival, she looked at me and said, "Honey, we are going to need a bottle of whiskey and an extra $100." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, feeling attractive, I got dressed up and took myself to a trendy bar to enjoy some cocktails. A muscular, handsome man approached me and we began to flirt. He recommended that we get a hotel room, which we did. After we had the most amazing sex of my life, he started to tell me his price. He was an escort. FML
Today, the girl I've been seeing for two months and with whom I'm in love with, asked me, whilst she's on holiday celebrating her birthday, whether I would pay for a male escort for her as a birthday gift. FML
Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML
Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML
Today, I hooked up with a guy on Tinder, but halfway through sex, his wife came home. As I stumbled back into my own house, I realised with my new lingerie and two lots of taxi fares, I’d spent £170 and all it got me was one glass of wine, one mouthful of cum, and a black eye from his wife. FML
Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML
Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML
Today, after a very long day, I needed a hotel room but the only one available was a honeymoon suite. I was so tired, I just said yes. My wife just called demanding to know why I was charging a romantic room to our joint credit card, and if I’ve got a woman with me. I just want to go to sleep. FML
Today, I got the chance to hook up with the girl of my dreams, but I had whiskey d*ck and couldn't perform. I'm so embarrassed and now she's not messaging back. FML
Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML
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Top comments
mrlucky22 18
Now that wasn't very professional.
thelittlem 15
ugh whats with the new update.
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Comments (17)
mrlucky22 18
Now that wasn't very professional.
RichardPencil 32
To the contrary, when a professional sees that a job is beyond the scope of what is considerd standard, they often request added material and/or add a surcharge.
RichardPencil 32
Was that a fat tax or an ugly tax?
Lobby_Bee 18
$100 for the fat tax, and whiskey for the ugly. Could be the other way around, I'm just guessing.
JillianJuneBug 39
An "escort"? Is that what they're calling' them these days?
RichardPencil 32
They’ve been calling ****** that for many years.
RockPrincess26 16
Yep.
Matt Kesler 16
did you honestly expect a hooker to be sweet and/or nice?
Danne696 14
In most professions with a social aspect, being sweet/nice gets you more business.
thelittlem 15
ugh whats with the new update.
raven_of_azarath 35
The pictures instead of the normal posts? Yeah, I hate it, too. Makes it difficult to get in to read the comments.
Neevster 18
It should be complained about on every post so they realize we hate it. I actually find it visually difficult to read the post with the pictures too
thatslifeiguess7 16
does she work for a service ? if so call and complain if not stop picking up hookers on Craigslist
hunterseal 18
Aw ja should have just left , a good hooker would just charge you more but not make you feel bad
bigtwobah 6
Maybe take that as a sign to improve yourself.
RetireEngland 24
For a hooker to call you ugly then damn son... i feel for you bro dont give up, find a blind chick
SteelSoul5 9
Work on your looks. Workout groom your skin, your hair, and your nails, and buy nice clothes. Nothing has to be super expensive just be clean and neat. Nobody likes a Slappy man or woman.