Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the reason why the guy I took home from the bar seemed to understand everything about me instantly was because he was my ex's secret drug dealer. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML
Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking - ankle bracelet and all. Worst part? I really liked it. FML
Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML
Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today." I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Lwint76 10
I wanna know how some one makes you go down on them... you sucked stank balls because you wanted to not because he made you!
sunshine1421 14
might be time to evaluate your habit or at least maybe consider a new drug of choice... or another idea get a better job so you can afford your habit and not have to blow your dirty ass drug dealer as payment
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (37)
GhostFox 34
This is quite likely a sign to get some professional help, even if it means getting off the pot and onto commercial drugs.
Lwint76 10
I wanna know how some one makes you go down on them... you sucked stank balls because you wanted to not because he made you!
Danne696 14
Yes, because all people with addictions have them because they love ruining their own lives.
interesting33 37
You can physically force someone. you can threaten them. You can intimidate them. there are loads of ways. it was not something OP wanted to do because they said they didn't want to do it! please don't blame OP like that
Yummi_913 18
OP put herself in that situation. You don't say "I've been sleeping with my drug dealer" if what is really happening is "my drug dealer has been forcing me to sleep with him". If that was the case why would she even be near him for a whole week? She's clearly sticking around for the drugs. And she's clearly too dumb to do anything better with her life.
sunshine1421 14
might be time to evaluate your habit or at least maybe consider a new drug of choice... or another idea get a better job so you can afford your habit and not have to blow your dirty ass drug dealer as payment
tiggerlover100 27
No where in the fml does it say that she blew him for free drugs. Actually it says she still buys it from him. Stop judging other people for the way they live their life.
Lalala579121 28
But it doesn't say that she buys them with money. Also there most likely was a threat of the dealer not selling drugs to OP in the future.
Yummi_913 18
Sorry but they put their shit out there as an FML. Complaining about their predicament and all that. Judgement is warranted because she's causing her own problem and then whines about it. If her sucking mangy dick that (she doesn't want to) had nothing to do with getting free weed, she wouldn't have brought up that she's getting it from him. Could have just said "this guy I've been sleeping with for a week" and then took it from there. And if by chance she isn't getting free weed for the sex, why the **** is she talking to him? She said he MADE her go down on him. What kind of idiotic person goes near someone who does that? Especially when he's dirty like that? She's getting something out of it because clearly she's not doing it because she likes it.
Dariean Allen 8
actually I think i will judge someone for sucking gunk dick.
Elisabetha Aarron 18
If you don't want people to judge your life choices don't put them on the internet
Bubbles77777 11
WHY would you tell ANYBODY this let alone make a fml?
Hostilecorp 3
they want people to feel bad for them... or they are high.
Bubbles77777 11
Yea ur probably right
Randy Newman 3
today, i got someone to blow me even though i only shower 2 or 3 times a month. she didn't even swallow. fml
Bubbles77777 11
hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha:) :) :) :)
Talented73 54
I bet there was some cheese with those meatballs.
SublimeChic4 15
OMG thats such a gross comment, but it was funny & I shudder that i must agree. haa.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Cut it off now because this doesn't end well. This is just the tip, no pun intended.
ezrajab 22
Fyl
Matt Kesler 16
FYL because you're the equivalent of a crack *****? no definitely YDI
Cali 57
How is OP the equivalent of a crack *****? They never said they sleep with him for weed!
WeirdUS 30
Yeah this is you deserve it and reconsider your habits