Today, after months of celibacy due to being utterly single in this pandemic, I finally got to look a man in the eyes while being deepthroated. Oh. I wasn't gagging on his penis, no no, it was on a Covid test swab. FML
kahaney tells us more.
kahaney 4
Hey, OP here! Hahaha ,fortunately I had the choice to get the nasal or the throat swab and I chose throat! No deep nasal ******* here!
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, when I woke up, I thought I’d be sexy by waking my girlfriend with oral sex. Still half asleep, she said, “Robert, stop it that tickles.” My name is Linda, we’re a lesbian couple who've never expressed interest in men, so who the fuck is Robert? FML
Today, my husband told me he doesn't see me in a sexual light. Too bad we've only been married for 3 months. FML
Today, my sister slept with my boyfriend while I was at work providing for the both of them as well as our child. I let her move in after our mother kicked her out. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML
Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML
Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML
Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he regrets loving or even meeting me because of the distance between us, and because I won't send nudes. FML
Today, I found out why my boyfriend always has sex with me like he hates me. Turns out, he actually hates me. FML
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend. Two weeks before Valentine's day. She expects me to buy her a present because we've known each other for a while, and apparently thinks it's more than a drunk hookup. FML
Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML
Today, I had a bad fight with my brother. He started screaming at me, then I hear, "Sam your mic is unmuted." The fight was about him telling my dad that I'm pansexual. I came out to my whole class and my dad. By accident. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s on her way to my friend's place to have her guts rearranged. FML
Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I finally got a "sexy" pic from my boyfriend. It was his man boobs. They're bigger than mine. FML
Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML
Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML
Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking - ankle bracelet and all. Worst part? I really liked it. FML
Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until the pitcher was done. I felt like I was drowning the whole time, and my partner knew from the choking sounds. FML
Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML
Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML
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