kikuhime
🌶️ Spicy
Oh, hello
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
Anonymous
Toronto, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Girls will be girls
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Mixed results
Today, I realized that in the 3 and half month relationship with a wonderful guy I truly like, so far I've masturbated more than the whole year I was single before I met him. FML
Anonymous
That's… a strange coincidence
Today, my boyfriend of three years hooked up with a girl who got herpes from a Michigan football player. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
No sex for you
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Anonymous
Australia 🌶️ Spicy
A for Effort
Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML
TooAccepting
Brisbane, Australia 🌶️ Spicy
Fragility
Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I'm pansexual. I said attracts what me to him is his intelligence and personality, and would still love him whether or not he had a penis. Turns out a 100% straight cis man can prioritise his penis over his intelligence and personality, because he's really offended now. FML
Jerry
🌶️ Spicy
Best thing to do
Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML
Little tears
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Cranking
Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML
Anonymous
Montpelier, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Join the club
Today, for the first time in 8 months, I got laid and it was amazing. Unfortunately, it's kicked my latent sex drive into hyperdrive. Best part? No idea when I might have sex again, so apparently I just have to live with being ragingly horny for the foreseeable future. FML
Ray
🌶️ Spicy
Anticlimactic
Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Pants on fire
Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML
Anonymous
Redmond, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Denied
Today, my girlfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, asked me over late at night. When I got there, she turned me around and kicked me out, because she "wasn’t feeling it." I’m 29 and still a virgin. FML
AloneAtPerkins
🌶️ Spicy
Intense
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML
Lucas
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Smells like victory
Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML
Ash
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Sex ban
Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML
Anonymous
India 🌶️ Spicy
The cringe is real
Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML
demonporn
🌶️ Spicy
Snitch
Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Caught red-handed
Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML
Jenson
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Size Queen
Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML
Anonymous
India 🌶️ Spicy
Knock next time please
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Anonymous
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Slow down
Today, after months of ultrasounds and blood tests, I found out that the pain I've been feeling in my ovaries is actually just sore muscles from flicking my bean every night. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
That's gross, dude
Today, it's Saturday and a planned date night for my partner and me. He's not showered since Tuesday and was surprised that I requested that he to do so ahead of getting intimate. And he wonders why our sex life isn't better… FML
Anonymous
Spruce Grove, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Dick appointment
Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Relativity
Today, I found out my husband of eight years has been cheating on me, so I decided to let the lady's husband know that she was unfaithful as well. His response was that I ruined his day. This has ruined mine and my kids lives. FML
Jenna
🌶️ Spicy
Jumping the gun
Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Honest mistake
Today, my girl and I with got caught having sex in the car by cops. They thought we were smoking bongs because the windows were foggy. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Threesome weirdness
Today, my roommate informed me that I need to move out, due to me having sex with his boyfriend. Even though he gave us permission, and told us to use protection. FML
DrySpellcaster
🌶️ Spicy
Get it on, bang a gong
Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Let it out
Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML