Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was so disgusted by my own body, I took a shower in the dark so I wouldn't have to look at myself. FML
Today, we ran out of disposable gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML
Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML
Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML
Today, I realised just how cripplingly self-conscious I am, when I couldn't even fantasise about having sex with a guy without feeling shy and insecure about my body. FML
Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML
Today, even though I'm the most neat freak germophobe there is, I was diagnosed with scabies. FML
Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML
Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
Obviously massive long term professional help is in order here.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Self care matters.
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Comments (6)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Self care matters.
RichardPencil 32
Take it from Big Red Monkey Butt!
kfchicken 31
take a shower and do your yourself up so you can do yourself. I don't see the issue here
poodlesoup 3
Self-care bb
Yudith 28
You are a goddess. A squeaky-clean goddess.
tounces7 28
Obviously massive long term professional help is in order here.