Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
Describe how furiously you ********** in detail as a result of that and I doubt she'll ever bring it up again.
RichardPencil 32
Would you prefer she discuss her hyperactive one?
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Comments (2)
RichardPencil 32
Would you prefer she discuss her hyperactive one?
tounces7 28
Describe how furiously you ********** in detail as a result of that and I doubt she'll ever bring it up again.