Today, when I woke up, I thought I’d be sexy by waking my girlfriend with oral sex. Still half asleep, she said, “Robert, stop it that tickles.” My name is Linda, we’re a lesbian couple who've never expressed interest in men, so who the fuck is Robert? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML
Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML
Today, as something cute to do, my boyfriend and I dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML
Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML
Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
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Top comments
diraven 15
Maybe she has a dog named Robert growing up. A really pervy dog.
Crowned Sataness 12
it's entirely possible that it wasn't even oral sex in her dream. it could have been something completely innocent and different.
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Comments (13)
rainbowdonnareed 18
Well you're a gold star here's is tarnished..... Maybe before you met? How long have you been together
RichardPencil 32
Robert is the one who gave her *********** that tickles and converted her to a lesbian.
diraven 15
Maybe she has a dog named Robert growing up. A really pervy dog.
phybreawptic 13
Maybe Robert the haunted doll is now Robert the haunted sex doll.
RichardPencil 32
Her vibrator?
Crowned Sataness 12
it's entirely possible that it wasn't even oral sex in her dream. it could have been something completely innocent and different.
Yudith 28
Maybe her cat Fluffybottom's real name is Robert?
Chazzster 32
Did you try asking your girlfriend about it when she was more awake. It seems like that’s really the thing to do. Only she knows...
cacheson 42
I’ve had sex dreams about all kinds of people I’m not interested in in real life. Dreams don’t mean anything.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Maybe she was dreaming and talking half-consciously?