Intimacy

Not the nuggets!

By Anon - 27/06/2018 20:30

Spicy

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 960

You deserved it 512

Wanker

By bongoboy - 25/04/2009 07:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 419

You deserved it 6 250

Old habits die rock hard

By Anonymous - 12/01/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I caught my parents having sex, which was embarrassing enough, but not only have they been divorced for 16 years, they are both married to other people, my stepmother and stepfather, who are both lovely people and don’t deserve to be cheated on by my horrible parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 134

By Anonymous - 20/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 3 479

Mixed emotions

By Glen - 26/02/2025 00:00 - India - Ooty

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of 5 months walked in on me naked while I was on the toilet. She proceeded to tell me that she wants to watch me taking a dump. I'm both shocked and too hard to do what she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 166

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 10/10/2022 17:30 - Turkey

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 516

By Anonymous - 04/05/2012 20:57 - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 203

You deserved it 3 575

Comforter

By random - 29/01/2012 10:53 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 645

You deserved it 5 426

By turriblebday - 17/12/2009 15:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 028

You deserved it 2 602

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 21:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 135

You deserved it 44 875

By tacolove69 - 16/02/2010 19:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 827

You deserved it 3 394

Small world

By ShouldICallYouDaddy - 30/04/2016 11:49 - United Kingdom - Grantham

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my roommate has been dating is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 386

You deserved it 2 434

No way

By 3sacrowd - 17/11/2009 03:46 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while I was in the middle of making love with my boyfriend, I mentioned bringing another woman in the picture to spice it up. He looked at me and said, "Let's ask your sister." He then got dressed and called her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 173

You deserved it 30 980

By Oops - 24/02/2017 14:00 - Australia - Belmore

Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 749

You deserved it 1 486

By MistressSuzuka - 21/09/2012 00:05 - United States - Milwaukee

Spicy

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 2 825

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 23:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 193

Bassface

By ohnoooooo - 03/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 661

You deserved it 4 986

Live a little

By Milly - 16/04/2025 20:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Spicy

Today, I complained to my girlfriends that my husband constantly wants me to explore his disgusting perversions, like making me call him "Daddy" or putting me on a leash. They all started discussing all the nasty things they'd let my husband do, then said he should find a sidepiece who's "less boring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 704

By Carlee_Casten - 17/06/2014 20:51 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I got called a slut. I don't know what is worse, the fact I was called it or that I felt strangely flattered that the person thought I was getting any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 641

You deserved it 7 879

Carlee_Casten tells us more.

Carlee_Casten 1

Wednesday 18 June 2014 21:14

OP Here! I just wanted to say thank you for the really nice comments :) Just to clarify I am not a person who thinks sex is something that should be bragged or boasted about. I was trying to make an insult less hurtful. They caught me on a good day. Otherwise I wouldn't have taken it so well. But thanks again for the comments and for those that helped my FML get posted :)

Oh no, the horror!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Abertillery

Spicy

Today, it’s too complicated to explain how I found out but suffice it to say I learned that the actress I shared a kiss with on stage at the theatre had given her boyfriend a blowjob less than ten minutes before coming on stage and kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 97

By disappointmentafter4years - 12/04/2016 19:31 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after 4 years of staring each other down at the bar, we both finally made a move and ended up at his apartment. After 45 mins of unsuccessfully getting anywhere, I left, to walk home in a hail storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 363

You deserved it 3 753

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 5 452

Hello? Hello?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend has narcolepsy when we were having sex and he passed out on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 638

You deserved it 4 098

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 01:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 575

You deserved it 9 593

Nice try

By Local Welsh - 16/08/2018 18:30

Spicy

Today, my husband's cousin told me it's a tradition that I should have sex with the eldest male cousin (him) as a rite of passage, and I probably don't know this being of foreign origin. I emigrated here and met my husband when we were 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 863

You deserved it 283

By nobrony - 02/07/2012 19:53 - United States - Katonah

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 970

You deserved it 5 499

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 043

You deserved it 362

Going too far

By cad515 - 07/07/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 474

By awkward.. - 22/02/2015 05:15 - Canada - Nanaimo

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend complimented me on how he liked my freckles down below. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were just razor rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 380

You deserved it 5 118

My eyes! My eyes!

By traumatized4life - 04/11/2010 19:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 850

You deserved it 2 914

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The Top

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "Yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were then escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot." I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114 120

You deserved it 24 240

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 16 925

Random

Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 721

You deserved it 2 226

Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 112

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 690

You deserved it 3 409

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 786

You deserved it 3 803

Dating is so difficult these days...

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 134

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 1 575