Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
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Top comments
Bookworm257 13
Since it was a one night stand, maybe you can calmly slip out, unlike your fart.
aylind 18
Honestly, how could you not tell it was that kind of fart coming down the pipes? Usually those feel different man. Still, sucks to be you right now. Hope she didn't go ape shit.
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Comments (129)
Tyyeezyjr 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Brruhhhhh that's a shitty way to end to end the night
cole_tyler42 21
I would've preferred a "Wow, that's a shitty situation."
Standupmast3r 18
No it's a bit nice to have a shitty pun phrased differently for once.
jazzy_123 20
no, it's a bit nice to stop all the shitty puns for good.
kfchicken 31
the only shitty things here are these puns
MrConcise 35
Comment number one paraphrased: That sucks. Comment number two paraphrased: That sucks. Ya'll are too ******* picky, at least be consistent in your voting. It's all the same shit, #2's comment is even worse than #1's. At least #1 tried.
xninix_fml 36
@37 what should I have said instead..?
MrConcise 35
#67 - Something of substance, instead of being a safe "sympathy" commenter. Yeah, we know the FML sucks, it's an FML. We only occasionally need to say it doesn't suck because it's contrary to what we expect.
xninix_fml 36
@67 Okay I'm sorry. I will try harder the next time I comment.
1dvos_grl3 21
Wow I didn't know there were rules on commenting. Pretty stupid to get so worked up over a couple of sentences if you ask me.
ChoolyBooly 32
There are no commenting rules other than the unspoken but understood: Don't be offensive and idiotic rule. Saying that something is f'd up or sucks is another way of showing support that they aren't wrong that their FML is legitimate. It is simple but no worse than The ones saying I am sorry you experienced that. No use freaking out over that.
xninix_fml 36
Wow that seriously sucks. I'm so sorry op.
hugozac88 22
Well that stinks
Hertyn 14
Run Op, Run!
Steve95401 49
It sounds like OP had the runs.
badluckalex 23
Sounds more like the squirts.
lolfood 24
GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS A SHITTY SITUATION WOW Really though, we need to know what happened next, OP.
orbit 22
It became a one night stand because she kicked him out and said don't call.
aylind 18
Honestly, how could you not tell it was that kind of fart coming down the pipes? Usually those feel different man. Still, sucks to be you right now. Hope she didn't go ape shit.
tranced_ 45
I'm guessing his muscle's were loose at the moment and he couldn't control it
laughingtoohard 14
I thought I was farting and shit myself
ahippienamedrae 10
You can't always predict sharting. It happens
aureshion 5
i presume this is not the right moment to make a "where will you be when the diarhea hits?" joke. right? because that sucks donkey balls
brieee 23
That was horrifying for both of you I'm sure..
Bookworm257 13
Since it was a one night stand, maybe you can calmly slip out, unlike your fart.
ChoolyBooly 32
Hopefully if he did or does do that in future one night stands and slip out without a word he doesn't see her later...he might get shamed publicly by the girl and her friends...
Googolman 29
"Today, I woke up after a one night stand. There was crap in my bed and the guy was nowhere to be seen."
then000bster 16
He was kind enough to hold it in so there would beano hard feelings. Butt after the romance died so did his luck. I hope she can put up with your **** and give you another chance.
Morning_fml 22
Hopefully she's a deep sleeper so she didn't wake up from that. But if she did, then I wouldn't know what to do either. You have my prayers, OP.
santosb1 11
I thought that symbol meant female.