Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, after my cute girlfriend got out of the shower and was walking over to our bed. I asked, "Now that you're all clean, want to sit on my face?" To which she replied, "Ya sure, I've not gone poop yet." FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
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Top comments
SamanthaThe1st 23
Well yeah, she doesn't wanna get dirty again.
core01 30
i watched a man spend 15 mins painstakingly dripping vape juice on to a new coil before using, but y'all still can't be arsed to put even two mins into some foreplay. You just expect the sight of your dick framed by a hairy ballsack to make us swoon with desire
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Comments (5)
SamanthaThe1st 23
Well yeah, she doesn't wanna get dirty again.
core01 30
i watched a man spend 15 mins painstakingly dripping vape juice on to a new coil before using, but y'all still can't be arsed to put even two mins into some foreplay. You just expect the sight of your dick framed by a hairy ballsack to make us swoon with desire
D J's MOM 17
she's just not into you anymore. time to move on.
Iifa 7
Definitely not after I have showered. Where were you before I settled down for the night and showered. It seems silly, but if I'm home all night and available and ready, and the man doesn't show interest, doesn't offer any closeness, especially after dinner and household care then any offer after shower and bedtime is a big no. Next time offer before shower, during shower, offer to take care of something, do something that turns her on, like someone else pointed out because your penis decided okay I can stand for.this doesn't mean we feel same about your fellow in pants. We don't, just a view of a dick doesn't turn us on, most men have them, we probably have seen more penises than you think (unsolicited di*k pic) and we definitely don't get excited by the sight. More by the actions, touching, kissing, massage, a compliment, support, show some.passion. Nothing special about naked body, or naked privates, we all have one.