Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, I got chased by a duck. Not just any duck, the same duck that has chased me every morning for a week. I’m starting to think it has a personal vendetta against me. FML
Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML
Today, my cat got diarrhea. My house is under renovation at the moment. I can smell it, but I don't know where it is. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML
Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML
Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML
Today, my two cats, who I'm slowly easing into being together, seem to like the fight they had yesterday. My older cat goes to my new cat's room to mew until I open the door, then lunges at my new cat, and my new cat goes to the barrier until he sees my old cat, and they start their shenanigans again. FML
Today, I got back home and my hamster was dead. I left notes two weeks ago everywhere to remind my parents to feed it while I was overseas. Apparently, my parents even didn't realize I was gone. FML
Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I was cleaning out the cabinets under my kitchen sink and I farted with such force that my dog thought someone was knocking at the door. FML
Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Today, I hit a stray Chihuahua with my car, a little Taco Bell tan dog, ironically whilst taking my own chihuahua dog to a vet appointment, in full view of two kids no less. A roughly 10-12 year-old girl and her 8ish year-old brother, who were taking out their trash to the dumpster in the alley, saw the whole thing. I later cried. FML
Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML
Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice, then we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside, she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML
Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML
Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML
Today, I have to give some serious thought to hair extensions. Not for myself, though. My horse let her canine friend rip her tail hairs out during play, and now she has no defense against the bugs. Know any hairdressers who make house calls to horses? FML
Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML
Today, I woke up, walked outside, and tripped over my dead cat. FML
Achicken123 tells us more.
Achicken123 22
I have no clue what happened, she was so young and one day she just stopped doing cat things. None of the vets we went to could find anything. At least she passed in her sleep while somewhere she loved.
Today, a water snake slithered into our pool. He can have it. FML
Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML
Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML
Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML
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