Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Today, my 9 year-old little sister is coming back to town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML
Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML
Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML
Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
giselless 5
I killed six goldfish when I was younger. I think I fed them too much.
spencerchu 0
alright @71 a goldfish lifespan is definitly not 6 months where the hell u get that from?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (204)
giselless 5
I killed six goldfish when I was younger. I think I fed them too much.
FMLoverAgain 7
I killed all mine, because I changed their water everyday with clean fresh water from the faucet. Apparently the high chlorine content from the water killed them, which i had no idea at the time.
AnOceanPearl 2
Hey guess what everyone, goldfish can't live in bowls!
matizzy 3
@24 Sure they can, for limited amounts of time.
samadams42 0
I cried when my fishy died :,(
aleclikestacos 8
I killed over eight… I had an addiction with goldfish when I was younger, now I'm banned from owning them…
LOLbomb 1
I had 2 fish when I was little. Now, I can't even remember why the hell I got them. You can't touch them, teach them, or interact with them in any way other than looking. Add to that the fact that the average lifespan of a goldfish is somewhere around 6 months. :l
KiddNYC1O 22
Two beta fish of mine committed suicide. One jump from the bowl and suffocated. The other one actually ran away, vanished... most likely fed himself to the mice.
sexxy_skater 0
I bet your sister killed the fish..just saying.
spencerchu 0
alright @71 a goldfish lifespan is definitly not 6 months where the hell u get that from?
EverybodyHatesCh 0
I ate all my fish!! YUM!!! (•_•)
Katie_the_Great 6
94 that goes so well with your pic. :D
Picking_Kuppies 0
Well, gee', Katie, aren't you smart?
dirtyblond 4
we gave our fish a funeral :'(
lmw562 3
41- I think 24 was talking about the general fish bowls. Gold fish need at least 10 gallons of water to live in
Eyez_Mesmerize 0
My mother's had a a regular goldfish she bought from wal mart, since I was 12. I'm over 20 now. The fish is still alive and kicking . Goldy will kill any fish that's introduced into her tank as well. It's hilarious.
goldhighways 0
I won 2 goldfish from the carnival before and they lived 5 years :) lol
EverybodyHatesCh 0
when I was 6 I got an egg from my grandmas bird cage and threw it against the wall because I though it would bounce back. (•_•)
fulbrama000 0
the oldest goldfish life span that was ever recorded was 20 something years. it's name was Fred. look it up.
Thanatos1206 0
I just looked it up. Actually the oldest goldfish lived to be 43. It was even recorded in the guiness book of world records. It's name was Tish.
rocketeer_97 1
i won a fish at the fair too ! except it only lived a day because it were those 68 cent fish or whatever
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I over fed my fish too, safe to say I didn't take it to well :'(
vip3r20 8
are you sure someones not just secretly replacing it everytime one dies lol
vip3r20 8
last comment @ 127 lol
Commander223 9
me too
Raesin 21
Actually yes, you can teach goldfish tricks and their lifespan is about 20 years.
kiran_fml 5
I had a huge tank of at least 20 fish. my cousins fed them twinkles and they all died. :(
Herropreez17 0
At least he is swimming with the ( other) fishes now...
riax 9
Ain't that bad. My dads had numerous fish and 3 birds. I think the luckiest one survived for 2 months
nevergo 10
poor fish. poor you for getting fish that die though
BUFFAL0H 0
penis
EverybodyHatesCh 0
******
BUFFAL0H 0
anus
klonopin_ftw 0
bow chicka wow wow
BUFFAL0H 0
unce unce
dirtyblond 4
CHODE!
shulgafish 0
fish can live for several years, too bad op's fish didn't get to see the brighter side of life o,0
christa953 12
that's how goldfish are
chell1894 13
fail...
jackipdoc 31
Everyone who owned a goldfish would be a goldfish killer then because those things live for the shortest amount of time
BountyBass 13
fish die...it sucks
SassiestLemon 2
I get the feeling that you put that as your account pic for just such an occasion...
KMilliron 2
Haha, do you bury them in the back yard? Or in the "Semetary" cause ask Stephen King, that's not gonna work.
KMilliron 2
I put quotes around it because thats how the children in the book spelled it and hence why it was deliberately misspelled in the title. Literary reference, not typo.
BeautyMonster 17
Actually, #6 is right. It is "Sematary." Next time use google to actually find out Stephen Kings book/movie was called "Pet SEMATARY."
KMilliron 2
So technically I was wrong. Too many e's not enough a's. I was too lazy to cross from my bed to my bookshelf...
cradle6 13
I loved that book. Creepy as hell.
leeshxx 3
stephen king is one of my favorite authors! has anyone seen the movie?
lipfullacope 0
yeah. it's okay.
chell1894 13
12, your a dumb*ss
maxtheman 0
who is stephen king?
maxtheman 0
who is stephen king?
Blazingcrono 6
Miss* At least give her a proper orientation greeting :/
Cheesehead72 0
haha, that movie is so jacked.
chester75 5
"known reasons" really??
chester75 5
even I don't know what I'm talking about, that's what happens to people when every pet they get die within weeks of purchase :(
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
The op did! Taking shit out of context FTW! #7 will make a great politician!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Yes, but "...known causes" is still in the post, just cutting out a part of the word...
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
'Tis true! I read it wrong, my bad. And you're damn right! I'd rather spend an eternity burning than with you, Kay. Glad you could finally get that through your thick head... the one on you neck.
ohthebloodygore 16
Kay, with what penis? I thought it fell off.
ohthebloodygore 16
Kay, I'm deeply disturbed by you.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
MY ASS IS NO TOY! It'll cost ya...
DocBastard 40
The Disposable Dickspash, new from BastardCorp! Only 19.95! But wait, order now and we'll DOUBLE your order! That's TWO Disposable Dicksplashes for the price of one! Just pay separate shipping and handling. Call now! Operators are standing by!
SirEBC 7
You didn't give us a number to call, you douche. And Kay, I must correct you. Ignorance is Satan. I think we can all agree on that.
ohthebloodygore 16
Eli, I don't agree with that. Ignorance is a barbie.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
No. That sweet girl is more likely the second coming of Christ than she is Satan! How dare you!!!
ohthebloodygore 16
Ignorance, that doesn't make sense.
SirEBC 7
I hate when mom and dad fight..
Angel_of_Death66 0
Wow lol haha...
ILoveEggnog 7
Mmmmmm.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Doc Bastard: I'm very curious as to what that is a picture of... Will you please tell me?
jpoblak 3
first
jpoblak 3
Nelson Lleva
bigbadtim 7
Blame the cat.
bowchickawowbone 0
Good caregiver.