Is he stupid? · 12 January 2025, 15:00 ·United States

Humaaaaaaan! Open the doooooor!

Today, my dumbass cat won't stop screaming and whining at me because I won't let him go outside. It's winter, and this is the Midwest. He did this without my knowledge once before and had almost frozen to death by the time I figured out where he was. Also, he's too loud for earplugs to drown him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371 You deserved it 132

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No way · 10 January 2025, 22:00 ·Glasgow, United Kingdom

Loyalty

Today, I discovered my cat prefers my neighbour. I know this because she posted pictures of him on Instagram, captioned "My new baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 349 You deserved it 196

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trgtyo · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Our pride and joy

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our living room wall with a painted one. Of our German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 038 You deserved it 3 731

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Drama · 10 January 2025, 03:00 ·Kansas City, United States

Don't touch me

Today, I took my cat to the vet. As the vet reached to examine him, he hissed, then clawed me instead, and then ran straight into a wall. Now we’re both sitting at the vet's, scowling and injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 132

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Why Me · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Indianapolis, United States

The poop delivery lady

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 497 You deserved it 2 863

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Awakened · 7 January 2025, 22:00 ·United States

You little devil

Today, my cat learned that smacking his feather toy against the metal barrel I store it in will result in a loud and irritating sound that gets me out of bed fast. Taking it out and putting it on the floor doesn't work, because he learned how to pick it up and drop it in the barrel. My cat is a goddamn genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 197

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Phil · 6 January 2025, 20:00 ·Canada

Life ain't a Disney movie

Today, I tried to pet a squirrel because it looked friendly. It did not feel the same way. Now I’m googling things like, "Can squirrels give you rabies?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 878

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Fern · 6 January 2025, 00:00 ·Germany

Nom nom nom

Today, I used a new body wash that smells like vanilla cookies. My dog spent the entire day chasing me around and trying to lick my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382 You deserved it 169

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Anonymous · 27 December 2024, 12:00 ·Florence, United States

At one with nature

Today, I woke up groggy as hell because my Rottie kept growling at something all night long. I went to get coffee in a daze and saw mouse shit floating in my brew. I cleaned up after the bastard mice, then stepped in coyote shit on my way to the newly dumped-over and shredded garbage cans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359 You deserved it 219

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Dog dad · 26 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Dogs for Christmas

Today, I bought my dog an expensive plushie toy because I thought it would last longer than the cheap ones. He ignored it completely and spent two hours playing with the cardboard box it came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 209

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badwolf · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Doggy dog world

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 054 You deserved it 4 290

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Cat poo · 23 December 2024, 22:00 ·Smithtown, United States

Santa or Satan?

Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452 You deserved it 222

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Sissy · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Bad boy

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year-old son started rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly, "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looked at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658 You deserved it 3 485

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Kathy04 · 22 December 2024, 15:00 ·Swansea, United Kingdom

Respect her boundaries

Today, I finally convinced my shy new cat to come out from under the bed and hang out with me on the couch. I felt like a true cat whisperer until, in the middle of petting her, she jumped up, knocked over my mug, and spilled hot cocoa all over my book. She then looked at me as if I was the one who messed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221 You deserved it 327

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shaggyberaddy · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Christmas Chaos

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832 You deserved it 1 064

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Crystal Lake, United States

Tasty treat

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 036 You deserved it 10 808

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Anonymous · 12 December 2024, 22:00 ·Toledo, United States

Family outing

Today, our daughter brought home a stray dog without permission. When my husband came home we took it to a shelter, who sent us to another shelter half an hour out of our way. Then their ADHD asses both wanted coffee at 6pm. By the time we got home, my dinner, and only my dinner, was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306 You deserved it 239

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Haze · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Wellington, New Zealand

I want a dog

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 833 You deserved it 2 326

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Anonymous · 9 December 2024, 00:00 ·Australia

Cute couple

Today, myself and my pug entered a novelty dog competition at the local fair. We won first prize in the lookalike contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348 You deserved it 280

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Anonymous · 8 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Artificial tree meets natural predators

Today, I pulled my Christmas tree out of my mother-in-law's garage, only to find out rats had ruined all the lights. The tree cost $2600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226 You deserved it 588

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Anonymous · 7 December 2024, 12:00 ·Australia

Teamwork

Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 453 You deserved it 127

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Gale · 6 December 2024, 15:00 ·Lisbon, Portugal

Chance encounter of the morning

Today, I tried to get a picture of a cute cat while on my morning walk. The cat didn't run away scared, it was even as if he knew it was "strike a pose" time. Then, out of nowhere, a seagull swooped down and stole my breakfast bagel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307 You deserved it 259

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jlujan00 · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Albuquerque, United States

Or he's a drug mule?

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 523 You deserved it 3 070

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Chyna · 4 December 2024, 15:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Good boy

Today, I got locked out of my car while the engine was idling. The "good news"? My dog inside the car thought this was the funniest thing ever and barked happily every time I tried to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329 You deserved it 259

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Anonymous · 1 December 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Not so cute

Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 You deserved it 462

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K.A. · 29 November 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Pet alert

Today, my Thanksgiving sucks, pretty much bummed because someone dognapped my Shiba Inu as I went inside a store. I'm trying not to stress, even though all I can think of is, "Is he OK? Has he eaten?" Fuck, I miss my darn dog. The audacity of this person. Literally disheartening. Hopefully he returns to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600 You deserved it 168

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Anonymous · 28 November 2024, 12:00 ·Perth, Australia

He's still a very good boy

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Definitely memorable

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 831 You deserved it 55 112

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Forever alone

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looked at me, then turned to everyone and said, "But not our Becky! She's more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 459 You deserved it 6 959

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Anonymous · 22 November 2024, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Home renovation

Today, I was cleaning my lazy son’s bedroom when I knocked a full cup out the window, complete with a layer of mould. It landed on the dog, covering him in mouldy, milky coffee. He ran inside, shook it off everywhere, then rolled around to really make sure it was smushed deep into the carpet fibres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411 You deserved it 309

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