Today, I took the dog for a 45 minute walk/jog. She sniffed everything on the ground like she always does. She marked her territory twice, then we finally got home. As soon as I took her off the leash inside, she ran to the kitchen and took a dump right on the kitchen mat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found him under my bed asleep when I got home. FML
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could go get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling, another friend came by, and we talked for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone into the water instead of his stick. FML
Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
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Top comments
myfriend_youfail 3
She was marking her territory. Again. Pissing or ******** in the house is just another way for your dog to tell you that she's the alpha and you're not. As #3 said, marking is unusual in bitches unless they're dominants. She most likely considers you a pack member of lower rank. So start showing her who's boss, or she'll be ******** elsewhere in the house to assert her status. Stop acting like a lesser pack member. Use a strong, assertive voice when correcting your dog. Do not lower yourself to her height when greeting her (bend down if necessary, but do not crouch to her eye level). If necessary, gently grab her upper jaw or nose to administer discipline (in a wild pack, greeting involves the more submissive canine approaching on the belly and reaching up to lick the leader's lower jaw, so handling your dog's lower jaw could be taken as a sign of submission to her alpha status). If assertiveness is not working, turn your back and ignore her until she corrects her behavior (she will eventually realize she has done something wrong and run to your front side to regain your attention, so keep turning your back on her until she crouches and whines/rolls over to show her belly/displays other apologetic behavior). Seriously. Take charge, or you'll be her bitch.
Apple_Jacks 0
A dominant bitch will actually mark. It's more prominent in males for sure, but not unheard of for bitches. Although if she never does it and then suddenly starts, it could actually be a urinary tract infection.
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Comments (44)
ehsvballchk22 0
hahaha that sucks!
00yoda4 0
ahhhh finely home
blackveilbride15 0
yea... my dog did that a lot!! i know how it feels!!!! hahahahaaa
APenguin 0
Bitchs don't mark their territory, only dogs do.
turtlellama 0
YDI for calling her "the dog."
ZleveL 0
ydi for even HAVING a dog
reyemrein 0
^ Words that could only be said by someone who had never had a dog.
Apple_Jacks 0
A dominant bitch will actually mark. It's more prominent in males for sure, but not unheard of for bitches. Although if she never does it and then suddenly starts, it could actually be a urinary tract infection.
JulzKay 0
Kill it.
hockeygirlfriend 0
you guys are terrible ******* people!! the dog is alive how'd you like if someone killed you for doing something wring?
perdix 31
That bitch has made you her bitch! Now, make that bitch a sammich, bitch! If you want to keep a dog, you have to be the alpha male. You, sir, are an omega pussy.
PeopleRSoDumb 0
YDI for owning a stupid dog.
majorscrewed 0
beat her with a chew toy?
myfriend_youfail 3
She was marking her territory. Again. Pissing or ******** in the house is just another way for your dog to tell you that she's the alpha and you're not. As #3 said, marking is unusual in bitches unless they're dominants. She most likely considers you a pack member of lower rank. So start showing her who's boss, or she'll be ******** elsewhere in the house to assert her status. Stop acting like a lesser pack member. Use a strong, assertive voice when correcting your dog. Do not lower yourself to her height when greeting her (bend down if necessary, but do not crouch to her eye level). If necessary, gently grab her upper jaw or nose to administer discipline (in a wild pack, greeting involves the more submissive canine approaching on the belly and reaching up to lick the leader's lower jaw, so handling your dog's lower jaw could be taken as a sign of submission to her alpha status). If assertiveness is not working, turn your back and ignore her until she corrects her behavior (she will eventually realize she has done something wrong and run to your front side to regain your attention, so keep turning your back on her until she crouches and whines/rolls over to show her belly/displays other apologetic behavior). Seriously. Take charge, or you'll be her bitch.
Emperor_Jim 0
...And people ask me why I don't like dogs.
lovemee12 0
My dog does this every. Single. Day. He's still a puppy, but jeez.