Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML
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Top comments
Nyx_fml 23
Jesus. You're an arachnophobic living in Australia. FYL, OP.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Rule #2: Always Double Tap.
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Comments (130)
adrianh1090 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Spiders are harmless , until you provoke them.
LittleBastard 20
Especially the ones that like to hang upside down and are disguised as humans... Oh wait, that's SpiderMan. Edit: god damn it why did you change it? :(
RoboCunnilingus 23
#10- I guess he doesn't think spiders are cool anymore.
TunaFireStarter 16
Rarely have I had a spider try to confront me when provoked. Who wants to fight a giant anyways?
ApollosMyth 22
24 - David.
Ambient25 25
24 - Jack
BubbleGrunge 18
For the most part, you're right #1; not sure why you're getting thumbed down. However, I'm always fascinated with the FML community and how terrified they are of spiders! Cockroaches on the other hand, I have that phobia!
Ambient25 25
Guess what ends up 10% of the time in your Subway...
Ambient25 25
don't believe me? Check the facts at meatspin . com
Ambient25 25
Don't believe me? Look up Meatspin . com to get the real spin on meat
cyttex 13
I really want to know the punch line 40
Ins0mau 20
Spiders are so small that you can easily provoke them accidentally if they are in your sheets, you tread on them etc...
Caitie_kid 8
It's rude to squish. They're usually eating something else you don't want to see. Never been bit, never squish either.
TheBrochure 22
#91 - It's also rude for the spider to eat whatever other organism it was that you didn't want to see.
Levvy 22
#86: If you find a spider that can survive being tread on, it's probably time to leave. Them ending up underneath bedsheets, AND having little enough room to be forced up against a person, AND surviving the experience long enough to be "provoked", is uncommon enough that I think it's disqualified from being considered "easy".
kamikrazy 6
Spideception
cyttex 13
I feel like you were forcing those two words together when they don't want to be next to each other, sorta like my ex and I stuck on a roller coaster.
Nyx_fml 23
Jesus. You're an arachnophobic living in Australia. FYL, OP.
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
Well, my plan of action would be to light the house on fire and gtfo of that arachnid ridden country... but that's just me.
Ambient25 25
You know that spider is on the other side of the bed thinking: "Remember when you hit me with that book? I remember too"
Clay_Pidgeon 11
Is the entire internet made up of ******* that are afraid of spiders?
Lilxpie 18
We also have drop bears. (Aussies will get this).
squidgy787 22
Would you be so kind as to enlighten those of us not from Australia? They sound terrifying... or incredibly cuddly.
MrRazzle 4
@92 It's called a Koala, furry little buggers, and yes, they are (sometimes) cute.
KingreX32 21
I agree with #3 how do you survive OP?
GrantEvans 14
Dont worry, spiders dont hunt down humans. If you dont bother it, it wont bother you
kieralumina 30
they say that about bees too. I believed them. until a bee attacked my ankle when I was 7. demonic little creature.
xxsakuraxx 29
Its kinda late for that, don't you think? I'm pretty sure hitting it with a book qualifies as bothering it.
JocelynKaulitz 28
Yes, but in case OP's still not convinced, they can always check up the water spout. :)
RoboCunnilingus 23
Rule #2: Always Double Tap.
ItsMeDiegoG 8
The ghost of the spider will forever haunt you now
ShadowSneaker360 16
Spiderman 2: The Vengence
sb601 9
I'd be freaking out too. Just try to forget about it, or move to another room to sleep. Lol that's what I'd do. I can't stand spiders at all.
deathstroke990 22
how do you handle Australia?!?
TheBrochure 22
That's how I know I can trust OP when she says, "huge" spider (as an American who really knows nothing about Australia).
Mshrodes 13
I myself hate spiders, but when I've been to Australia, interestingly enough, it was never a concern. I was kinda scared before going, but I had completely forgotten about it by the time I got there. I think that as long as you live in town, this whole "Australia is full of evil creatures" thing doesn't really apply. I live in Switzerland and I see more spiders here on a weekly basis than I have in my entire stay in Australia. Then again, if you decide to spend your stay in the forest, chances are things would be different.
lisaroxmysoxx 16
It's happened to me more than once, I feel you OP
DoctorsDaughter 11
If you're an arachnophobic why are you in Australia? And why don't you have a spider vac?
Nyx_fml 23
Yeah, OP. Why didn't you spend a bunch of money you probably don't have, said bye to all your loved ones and got the hell away from Australia? We need answers.
jazzy_123 20
Geez 12, for being a doctor's daughter you're not very smart..