Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML
Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML
Today, after finishing a two-day course for work, I was informed that the days used will either be unpaid or used up as holidays, as it was for improvement of myself and not the company. They put me on the course without my knowledge until the weekend before. FML
Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette by taking a dump on it, putting it out. Seems they have anti-tobacco sniper seagulls now. FML
Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML
Today, due to summer Ramadan, we have 16 hour long fasts. Normally this is okay, except today I managed to sleep through both suhoor and iftaar. I haven't eaten for 36 hours. FML
r1has tells us more.
r1has 28
For everyone telling me to break my fast, had it actually been a problem and had I actually been sick, I would have broken it. But since I'm on summer vacation, I fell asleep, making it a lot easier to deal with. So while I was really hungry, it wasn't a health risk. I checked. God doesn't want you to kill yourself, just feel the pain of the poor and needy. And #3 pregnant women, menstruating women, nursing mothers, old people, sick people, kids e.t.c aren't supposed to fast. They can either make them up later or give in charity, if they are able to. If they aren't then no big deal. Plus puking, bleeding or fainting automatically breaks your fast, so even if I had gotten dizzy, I would have broken it. It was just kind of a miserable day because I get kinda pissy when I'm hungry, and I was snapping right and left. Thankfully my family understood, and made sure I woke up and had food the next day
Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML
Today, a lady called the candy store and wanted to know our ice cream flavors. We have 30 and I had a line of people to help, so I directed her to our new website. She called back, wanting me to walk her through finding it. I couldn't, as we're not allowed, so she called me useless. She showed up. FML
Today my neighbor's asked me to feed their two horses while they go on vacation for a month. I happily agreed. As they were getting in the car to drive off, they added, "Oh, and water the plants!" They have six acres. FML
C8H18 tells us more.
C8H18 33
OP here. here's more info: of course the pasture the horses were in didn't need to be watered, and they had two lawns with sprinkles. The majority of the rest of the property was newly planted vegetable gardens. They were in the process of installing a watering system and it wasn't hooked up yet. Everything was being watered with hoses. Btw, how the hell did you guys come up with house plants? I didn't have access to the house, and why would I mention six acres if I was talking about indoor plants? Come on, people. I did call my neighbor's after they pulled this and they explained that husband thought wife had told me already while wife assumed husband had told me. They didn't realize their mistake until they were about to pull away. So, innocent mistake, but had they told me sooner I would have had the chance to mention I've never been able to keep a plant alive. :(
Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML
Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML
star71075 tells us more.
star71075 12
OP here. Just to clarify a little, I have traveled with her multiple times and she has only done this once before. That is why I didn't question anything. Anyway, we have since talked it through and have worked everything out. I am still going and sharing her room.
Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML
Today, my supervisor gave me a grand introduction as I met the CEO for the first time. He introduced me as, "Employee number zero." FML
C8H18 tells us more.
C8H18 33
OP here. I don't work in programming. I teach weapons safety courses and coach people while shooting on the range. The only thing that came to mind when my supervisor said this was the center ring on the targets. Maybe I am wrong, but I took this as I should be shot at.
Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML
Today, while working as a highway patrol officer, I pulled over my girlfriend for speeding and was required by law to ticket her. Another officer was with me, so I couldn't not ticket her without being reported. We share a joint account, so I basically ticketed myself. FML
Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML
Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML
Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML
Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up setting the kitchen on fire. FML
Today, I sent my daughter to her dad's house for the week. She decided to pack my remotes and most of my clothes and shoes, in an effort to make me come get her as soon as I noticed. FML
Forever_Cursed tells us more.
Im the OP!! Glad this got accepted but to clarify some things nothing is going on in his home. She is just being a drama queen because he lives in a middle class home and I live in the suburbs . She doesn't like being there because " the demon spawns" also known as her brother and sisters are there and she is the oldest. She also doesn't have her own room at his house like she does at mines.
Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML
Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML
Angsty_Armadillo tells us more.
Holy crow after 7 years I finally get posted! Even though it was on an email I never use.. But I thought I would share a little somethin somethin with you guys. I have tried ear plugs but they cause blockage in my ears. Also to the people who say I shouldn't let the dog sleep with us. Have you tried keeping a 1 year old pit with seperation anxiety in a kennel or simply out of the room? You can pick up the tattered remains of my living room. It's just one of those things you gotta deal with when you have a SO and a dog that snorts loud even when awake. PS I snore loud as **** too my boyfriend is just a heavier sleeper! :D
Today, my 84-year-old grandmother taught me a keyboard shortcut. FML
Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML
Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML
Today, my father called me to ask what my middle name is. He apparently needed to know it to remove me out from his will. FML
Today, my six-year-old daughter organized a treasure hunt… for our cat. She hid the contents of an entire bag of cat food all around the house. FML
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