Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I woke up, put on my fuzzy socks, walked down my hallway, and stepped in cat vomit. I took off my now wet socks, continued walking down the hallway, and stepped barefoot in cat shit. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML
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Top comments
aGMAELSTR0M 10
They're competing for alpha position. Your only solution is to pee on all the walls now
naviajack626 16
That's disgusting. Make him clean the entire bathroom now.
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Comments (65)
wanted_2_want 40
You must be really pissed off!!
stangbang92 17
Eh prolly feels more pissed on honestly.
SOILEDIT 51
You tried. But failed.
J352SAURUS 30
OP already said that in her username.
mattyiscool123 26
Duh it's in her username, don't say stuff that's already obvious
Kidd_Ant 18
Both of them might be due for a little training.
aGMAELSTR0M 10
They're competing for alpha position. Your only solution is to pee on all the walls now
moondoglou420 17
Actually you just need to establish a perimeter of pee. Pick a room and draw your lines!
emi_alejandra 23
Why did your husband pee by the toilet tho?
RoboCunnilingus 23
Just think about it for a moment.
emi_alejandra 23
? that question did not come out as I imagined it would...
naviajack626 16
That's disgusting. Make him clean the entire bathroom now.
Jonkbaby 23
dogs don't have that kind of capacity.
almost_there44 26
It's not like you can pee on the floor and not know it. Your husband is lazy, and to be honest, he's behaving like he needs to be potty trained again. The dog...well, it's a dog.
Jonkbaby 23
y o u r e i n u r i n e
trucker2 33
A dog has accidents - but I suggest saran wrapping the toilet so next time your husband decides to piss it splashes back on him
stangbang92 17
To make even more of a mess?
trucker2 33
Yes- more of a mess but will learn damn quick to clean it up in the first place
freddygasman 18
What's the point, he just uses the floor anyway? Next time he does that hand him a bucket of bleach water and a scrub brush.
sullivankeara 25
You just can't win
UnboundA 10
Dogs, husbands, what's the difference
freddygasman 18
One is teachable and the other is a man.