Today, that awesome new dubstep song that I was rocking out to in my car was actually my transmission falling apart. FML
Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "Fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML
Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML
Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "We follow the book." That book's older than I am. FML
Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML
Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML
Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML
Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML
Today, I felt the tag of my shirt bunch up in my skirt. As I reached into my skirt to rearrange it, it started moving. It was a four-inch cockroach. FML
wowbuddy tells us more.
Hey guys, this is OP So I'm thinking the reason that the cockroach managed to get in there in the first place is that my friends and I were all at a park with this really sketchy bathroom. Me and one of my friends had gone in there to go to the bathroom and it most likely crawled into my skirt when my skirt was around my ankles... The reason I never felt it in my skirt until a few hours later is because while it was in there, it didn't move at all until I grabbed it. Cue shaking out my shirt and screaming like a madman while fireworks are going off, I watched it fall and crawl away. As some of you said, it couldn't have been that big, that's why at first I thought it was a horned beetle, as bugs here in Arizona do actually get super big. The reason I said cockroach is one of my friends pointed out that it had nothing on it except the shell and legs, as it was dark outside. All in all, I am definitely scarred for life and refuse to leave my house ever again *sarcasm*
Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML
Today, my parents are forcing me to take my brother with me when I hang out with my friends. This wouldn't be that weird if my brother wasn't 26. FML
swervelol tells us more.
swervelol 28
Lmao op here! I didn't think this would actually get posted! Here's the follow up. I'm 17 and my brother just moved back home from Minnesota so he doesn't have a whole lot of friends here. My brother and I get along great I just thought it was funny that my mom didn't want my brother to feel left out so she makes me bring him with when I want to go hang out with my friends. It's pretty awkward for my friends and I but I don't mind as long as my mom doesn't expect me to start bringing him with me everywhere. He's 26 not 11!
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML
Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML
Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML
Today, I went to my friend's little brother's birthday party. A few of the younger kids were hitting me with a pool noodle, and I didn't really care until a 9-year-old loudly exclaimed, "Hit her in the pussy!" FML
punmessiah tells us more.
punmessiah 28
It was obvious this kid was spoiled and hardly, if ever, got punished. After a few other slurs from him, we tried to find his parents but just told my friend's mom since we couldn't find his. My friend's little sister(she's around 6) was also crying to her saying the same kid called her a bitch. The mom was saying she didn't know who's kid it was(the overall lack of supervision over there was astonishing) and she didn't want to punish him herself, else his parents popped up and made a scene.
Today, I sold my Christmas gift from my father on eBay as I'm so desperate for cash. It's also the day I got scammed by an eBay buyer. FML
naive_girl_fml tells us more.
OP here :) the gift was definitely thoughtless as it was an expensive fountain pen that I have zero use for unfortunately. I told my dad I loved it though...I got scammed because the buyer falsely claimed it was used when it arrived (HE used it). He then opened a case on eBay, sent me loads of aggressive email abuse, threatened legal action and requested my contact details from eBay (so now he has my phone number!). eBay ruled in his favour so I had to refund him... ? I sent the parcel tracked, used Paypal etc. That's the problem really - he is too protected he can just lie and keep the pen and the money!
Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I was told I couldn't walk across the stage at my graduation because I owe money to lunch services. I owe 14 cents from my freshman year. FML
AnimalWorld tells us more.
AnimalWorld 11
Hey everybody, OP here. I just want to clarify a few things. First of all I was able to walk. I went up to the woman who told me I couldn't, handed her a quarter, and told her to keep the change. And for those of you who think I'm just an idiot for not paying, they only made you aware you owe money if you buy a lunch from the school in the last 2 weeks of classes, which I haven't done in 3 years. So no I wasn't aware. AND to make matters worse, if you still have money in your account at the end of the year, you aren't issued a refund. But these 14 cents were somehow a deal breaker. That seems a bit twisted to me. Thanks to everyone who was concerned! I'm an official graduate now!
Today, I was polishing a ring I made at a jewelry shop I intern at. The ring flicked off my fingers and smashed me in the eye. It only took a single trip to the emergency room to make me pretty sure I won't be getting the job. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML
Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML
Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML
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