Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by a bird screaming its guts out. My cat had somehow managed to catch a bird and bring it inside. My 9 a.m. morning began with trying to catch a bird in my own home. FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes trying to shoo a bird out of my apartment. After finally getting it outside, I closed the window, turned around, and realized I'd locked myself out instead. The bird flew away. I didn't. FML
Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML
Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML
Today, my cat thought it was appropriate to bring a bird into the house at 4 a.m.; the bird thought it was appropriate to attack my mom. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds had made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML
Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML
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Top comments
_parth 20
Your cat forgot how to cat.
socksxox 19
Cats see us as stupid bigger versions of themselves. they bring us dead mice and stuff because they think we don't eat much cause we don't know how to hunt. So if it makes you feel any better, your cat was probably watching on with so much pride :)
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Comments (39)
_parth 20
Your cat forgot how to cat.
TeraBaap 21
Evolution.
milleso5 10
how do these stories get posted and great ones get stuck in moderation??
SixthSinEnvy 39
Or doomed to the B-Movie life of Almost FML.
geekpower_fml 28
Well, at least your cat isn't going out and killing wildlife. It's a good thing!
socreativedude 19
But cats are predators.
zeffra13 31
#14 Cats are non-native predators, which is why they shouldn't be let out where they can kill native wildlife. House cats kill about 4 billion wild animals a year in the US.
crudeandrudeguy 29
Yup, and 90% of internet facts are made up 82% of the time according to a recent study conducted by my kids skid stained underwear.
StayClassyAF 8
Looks like the tables have turn, get used to the kitty box because your feline friend is now running this house
Lalala579121 28
What do you mean "now"? Cats run the house as soon as they arrive.
ber4fun 23
Enjoy nature, some people don't get to have birds or squirrels outside of their windows.
Dave_Davington 34
In the same way some people don't get to have crackheads breaking into their houses in the wee hours of the morning.
moodyreallyrocks 27
Your cat seems to be lacking 'Cat- ness'!
Stuby14 19
Shotgun, it's called a shotgun.
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
That's a bit harsh on the cat don't you think!?
socksxox 19
Cats see us as stupid bigger versions of themselves. they bring us dead mice and stuff because they think we don't eat much cause we don't know how to hunt. So if it makes you feel any better, your cat was probably watching on with so much pride :)
middlenamefrank 8
Birds will often gather around a predator (cat or dog qualifies) and make a terrible racket to warn other birds. Bring your cat inside and they'll stop.
zeffra13 31
It's more likely normal morning bird calls.
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
You should have use a giant catapult to fire pigs at it! No. Wait. Other way around!
ThirteenThirteen 27
Use a giant pig to fire catapults?
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
Yes.